Welcome to the Wrestling Revolution
Brock Alyas vs. Shaun O’Keeke (j.)
Phil Atken vs. Lord Coyner Pollard
Brock Breaks Even
Impulse vs. Rook Black
Don’t Dream It’s Over
Cameron Cruise vs. Professor Tremendous
Someone’s Taken The Title Sleep Now In The Fire A Bit Too Far…
The NFW Tag Team Wrestling Summit: Part 1
The NFW Tag Team Wrestling Summit: Part 2
The NFW Tag Team Wrestling Summit: Part 3
The NFW Tag Team Wrestling Summit: Part 4
Joe the Plumber/Dan Ryan vs. Nova/Mystery

Welcome to the Wrestling Revolution

"The only way to deal with an unfree world. . .”

(FADEIN: The NFW Revolution Star…in the background you can hear the climatic finale to end of SUPERCrash I…)

“. . .is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."

(F.T.B.)

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

(MUSICUP: ‘Sleep Now in the Fire’ – R.A.T.M.)

KERRY O’CONNOR: (V/O) “There are those that believe that the blood splattered on the NFW canvas tie into some grand scheme to bring itself notoriety, fame and fortune. A proposed self-produced and attention induced lifestyle of scandal and madness ”

(FADEIN: DAN RYAN’s face gushing blood at the tail-end of SUPERCrash I, clasping onto the NFW World Heavyweight Championship and wearily raising it over his head as a cavalcade of pyrotechnics explode everywhere.)

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “Anyone that’s fought FOR the New Frontier will tell you that its deeper than any materialistic or tangible goal…”

(QUICK CUTTO: NOVA pinning YORI YAKAMO JUNIOR at Wrestlebowl 2 for the Season 2 Ultratitle Championship as 20,000 in the audience leaping in a frenzy!)

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “…because climbing OUR mountain...”

(SPLIT-SCREEN: RYAN clutching the World Championship on one screen with NOVA hugging the Ultratitle Trophy on the other side. . . FADEOUT)

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “…takes you HIGHER than ANYWHERE else.”

(CUTTO: The twinkling and flickering of thousands of camera flashes illuminating in a cavernous, lights-out and totally black arena. Suddenly, the FRONTIERtron dimly reels off a black and white TOYOTA CENTER logo that has the crowd buzzing as it reads “I love what Houston does for me…” Then, slowly…bubbles start perking up on the film…and then it starts BURNING away and seguing to an image of a cigarette cherry tip getting a deep inhale. The crowd starts cheering as the camera peels back and reveals CRAIG MILES in front of a white backdrop. He’s wearing silver sunglasses, blue jeans and nothing else.)

MILES: “Tonight, we honor those lost to the global integration of commercialization of religion, capitalism and big-money partnerships that robbed the world of its innocence and INTEGRITY.”

(MILES takes a drag off his cigarette)

MILES: “The spirit of the REAL Houston Summit (LOUD POP!) will live on as long as MY feet stand on your city grounds. BUT…(the crowd buzzes) after WE leave tonight…you will not look upon our own history and willpower to find the spirit of yours. You will realize there is a future to be had…a REVOLUTION to fight for…and that as long as you believe, OUR BLOOD… shall prove YOUR FAITH.”

(QUICK CUTTO: RED, YELLOW and WHITE sparklers shooting out from the rafters as streamers drop down from the rafters with mock NFW Revolution Flags with the star and league logo amazingly reminiscient of the old 1980’s Houston Rockets logo. The star a bright orange with the word “Revolution” in white, the whole shape outlined with a fiery red. NFW is in a black font in the center of the stars and the flags are a white backdrop. The crowd marks for the tribute – WHOOOOOOOOOSH! BOOOOOOOOOOOM! POW! WHAP! …SHAZAM OLAJUWON!)

KERRY O’CONNOR: (V/O) “HOUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTON, TAYYYYYYYYHAAAAAAS! YOU HAVE REACHED GROUND ZERO! (loud pop!) YOU HAVE REACHED THE SUMMIT OF THE WRESTLING REVOLUTION!”

(CUTTO: Mock-rockets and missiles start twisting and swerving over the frenzied audience exploding in red and yellow bombardments of eye-candy! QUICK CUTTO: The backdrop behind the FRONTIERtron spinning the CRASH TV logo is a giant replication of Mt. Kilmanjaro, NFW wrestlers climbing atop it as the Revolution Star BURNS atop. Strapped to NOVA’s back is the Ultratitle Trophy, DAN RYAN is using the straps of the NFW World championship to pull himself atop one of the last cliffs before the peak…)

O’CONNOR: (w/ crowd) “AND THIS ISSSSSSSSSSSS! CRRRRRRASH! TEEEEEEE! VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

(OVERHEAD-CAM FLY-BY: Fans are leaping over each other, getting us our first NFW Reading Rainbow moments of the evening with the multi-colored and shoved upwards signs reading statements such as “OHNO! ITS DANZILLLLLLA! DANZILLLLLLLA! HE’S BACK! HE’S BACK!” “THE CROWD ISN’T ON YOUR WELLNESS PLAN, DENNIS! …NEITHER IS MILES!” or the most eloquently put, “NOVA MAY LOSE HIS HEART IN TEXAS, BUT HE LOST HIS D**K IN POOR JOE’S ASS”)

O’CONNOR: “Welcome one…and welcome all to the CRASH .44 MAGNUM OPUS we’re all about to experience…I’m KERRY O’CONNOR…”

(QUICK CUTTO: O’CONNOR and LAMONT HOLLYWOOD standing side-by-side inside the ring right in the center of the Revolution Star. O’CONNOR is dressed for the occasion wearing a black suit and crimson tie as H’WOOD rocks the traditional all-white theme. He’s looking around the arena with a little disgust as the crowd is rocking, rolling and spilling their beers…)

O’CONNOR: “With me as always is the MANAGER TO THE STARS (the crowd boos! H’WOOD laughs and shakes his head) and my partner in crime for tonight…and almost eight years, LAMONT HOLLYWOOD!”

H’WOOD: (holding his hands up) “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don’t you dare associate myself with your (points at O’CONNOR) later activities tonight with the FAT COWS they (points to the crowd) call WOMEN in this state. (crowd boos! H’WOOD just looks out at them incredulously!) Are you KIDDING me!? I could count on one hand the amount of TEETH half the chicks in this FRONT ROW have! I went to a Hooters last night and I found out where KIRSTIE ALLEY ENDED UP!”

O’CONNOR: “Actually, Lamont…as is NFW’s policy…all seats are GENERAL ADMISSION only for their events.”

H’WOOD: (pointing at someone in the crowd) “That explains you, doesn’t it? I don’t think you’ve showered since George Bush got in office…the FIRST ONE.”

O’CONNOR: “Alright, alright…we’re going to try and get this one down to business before it gets out of control.”

H’WOOD: (tugs his white ascot) “I don’t like Texas, Beanfry. It smells like sour meat EVERYWHERE.”

O’CONNOR: (over the LOUD boos!) “Well, I’m not so sure that ONE man would be happy to hear how you feel about this state, this city…”

CROWD: “RYYYYYYYYYAN! RYYYYYYYYYAN!”

(CLOSE-UP: H’WOOD gulping and looking nervous as the crowd chants get louder…)

O’CONNOR: “These fans know who I’m talking about, judging by the look on YOUR face! (H’WOOD swerves around and gives O’CONNOR a nasty stare!) I think you KNOW who I’m talking about! And regardless of what ANYONE is saying ANYWHERE ELSE…THE CHAMP IS HERE! (laughs!) IN HIS HOMETOWN!”

H’WOOD: (over loud cheers!) “Listen, Dan Ryan…he’s not one of these people, even some people escape the perils of society…(loud boos!) That’s right…(looking out at the crowd!) And maybe Dan Ryan has these people on his side, but its not cause he’s from around here…it’s cause when I look out into the eyes of all these fans at the Houston Wrestling Revolution Summit…”

(H’WOOD mocks a far-searching gaze as the crowd gets LOUD!)

H’WOOD: “…and all I can see are a SH(BLEEP!)TLOAD OF PLUMBERS! (LOUD BOOS!) And that just happens to be the man who’s tagging with our WORLD CHAMPION!”

(All of a sudden, the lights go PITCH BLACK! Wolf whistlers, hollers, camera flashes are going off everywhere as a single, giant BOOOOOOOOM accentuates the cannon shots by the FRONTIERtron and SMOKEscreens rig!)

H’WOOD: (V/O) “Get me out of here, Beanfry! I can’t let one of these heffers eat me if this place goes into riot mode!”

(CLOSEUP: The FRONTIERtron crackling to life with big block white letters flashing the following sentence over and over “EMPTINESS is LONELINESS and LONLINESS is CLEANLINESS and CLEANLIESS is GODLINESS.” The crowd starts chanting “RYYYYYYYYYAN! RYYYYYYYYYAN!”)

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “I’d get out of here, Lamont…I think…”

(A legion of rockets sharply whistle over the ring and KA-POWWWW to a crowd roar! The FRONTIERtron immediately shuts off as we’re in PITCH BLACK again! The crowd’s stomping and clapping, while shouting “RYYYYYYYAN! RYYYYYYAN!”)

V/O: “AND GOD IS EMPTY.”

(MUSICUP: “ZERO” – SMASHING PUMPKINS, which immediately gets a huge MARK from the crowd! The house lights startlingly rev-up without notice as a full brigade of sparklers and fireworks shoot overhead! )

V/O: “JUST LIKE ME.”

(CLOSE-UP: DAN RYAN walking up the steps from the GUERILLA POSITION, the NFW World Championship title belt properly shined and sparkling as he walks through the curtain, the cameras catching 20,000 Houstonians PLUS jumping in the air, raising their arms with fists and some even doing dorkier high-fives than Larry Appleton and his distant cousin, Balki Bartokomous. QUICK CUTTO: RYAN standing in place, surveying the crowd with a wide grin as he readjusts the NFW World Heavyweight championship slung over his shoulder. In street clothes for the moment, RYAN starts walking down to the center of the ring as H’WOOD starts nervously pleading with his hands up towards the champ.)

CROWD: “RYYYYYYYYYYYAN! RYYYYYYYYYYYAN!”

(CUTTO: H’WOOD backing up behind O’CONNOR who’s laughing, while DAN RYAN steps OVER the top rope and gets into the ring, his black sunglasses glowering straight towards H’WOOD.”

H’WOOD: “You’re on your own, Beanfry.”

(H’WOOD drops his mic and immediately rolls out of the ring, looking back to make sure RYAN isn’t chasing him. QUICK CUTTO: RYAN stopped in his tracks and watching H’WOOD stumble towards the announcing table, when all of a sudden he takes two quick steps towards the ropes! LAMONT immediately falls over his own feet in reaction, the crowd laughing as RYAN finally lets out a smile as he leans over the ropes.)

H’WOOD: (rushing up to his feet, blushing) “Shutup! SHUTUP! You people don’t even realize that hogfat isn’t something you’re supposed to use as soap!”

(CUTTO: Back in the ring, O’CONNOR smiling widely as he walks towards RYAN who sees him coming and turns around. O’CONNOR raises his microphone up towards RYAN…)

O’CONNOR: “I assume you’re here t—“

(RYAN grabs the mic and rips it out of O’CONNOR hands to crowd roars! O’CONNOR looks wide-eyed as RYAN adjusts his sunglasses just below eye level, while leaning over with an intimidating stare. O’CONNOR starts looking out to the crowd that starts chanting “POWWWWWWWERBOMB! POWWWWWWWERBOMB!” O’CONNOR takes a few steps back, motioning that the floor is all RYAN’S, who nods with a smirk.)

RYAN: (Turning back to the crowd) Get a good look, Houston!!! (Ryan raises the NFW World Title belt as the crowd goes apeshit once again) This one…. (Ryan pauses as the crowd slowly dies down) This one means a little bit more. This belt right here comes after a long several years of struggle, of disappointment and eventually one of the most grueling battles of my career.

(Pop)

RYAN: I know, and everyone else now knows that to win the belt I had to beat a man who bleeds for this company, a man who insists that this belt truly mean something. And for the first time in my life I can say to Eddie Mayfield….I respect the hell out of you for pushing this company back in the direction of wrestling, and not the circus we’ve been subjected to for a few years now.

Going into the future, there’s Nova at Wrestlestock 2 – and it’ll be a battle that I intend to make everyone remember for a long long time. But for tonight, I’m back home…. (huge cheap crowd pop) ….tonight, I give Nova a taste of what’s to come….(cheering) …and tonight, we show the world what H-Town is all about.

(Loud pop as Ryan makes one last lunge toward Lamont and laughs, then climbs down and out of the ring.)

Back to the TOC

Brock Alyas vs. Shaun O’Keefe (j.)

(FADEIN: Back LIVE! The Houston Wrestling Revolution Summit is ROCKIN’ as spotlights swirl around the arena as LEE-BABY SIMS stands front and center on the Revolution Star. To the left of him, there’s already someone in the ring, which can never be good for that person.)

LEE-BABY SIMS: “This next match is the inaugural contest for the WRESTLING REVOLUTION SUMMIT! (crowd cheers!) In the ring already, standing 6 feet 2 inches tall and weighing 235 pounds…hailing from Dublin, Ireland…the Innovator of the Irish Cloverleaf…SHHHHHHHAUN O’KEEEEEEEEFE!”

(CUTTO: KEEFE wearing an Irish Green singlet walks out to the center of the ring, raising his arm in the air to a slight pop! He’s got matching kneepads and boots…)

H’WOOD: (V/O) “Why do I have a feeling this isn’t going to look pretty?”

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “Welcome back to CRASH .44 MAGNUM – THE WRESTLING REVOLUTION SUMMIT! We’re kickstarting things off with a couple of rookies scheduled to tango in the opening encounter!”

(MUSICUP: "Comfortable Liar" by Chevelle)

SIMS: “And now introducing his opponent from the NINTH mile of 8-Mile Road in DETROIT, MICHIGAN! He’s standing 6 feet 2 inches tall, weighing 275 pounds! THIS IS BRRRRRROCK ALYASSSSSSSSSS!”

(CUTTO: ALYAS storming through the curtains to a mild reaction as he doesn’t even think twice about stopping to soak in first live moment in NFW. Instead, he stomps down the ramp in a old-school 1980’s Detroit Lions muscle-t, with black trunks, kneepads and boots.)

O’CONNOR: “And out comes Brock Alyas, a rising competitor in NFW…”

H’WOOD: “And the one allowed to use music, so I wonder how this is gonna work out.”

O’CONNOR: “Don’t roll your eyes like that. O’Keefe is one of our newest entries into NFW and very capable of defeating Alyas, who with two successive victories on our house show circuit recently debuted in our rankings.”

H’WOOD: “From what I’ve heard is that he hits like a brick sh(BLEEP!)thouse, but I’m not exactly sure if that means anything…especially, if you try to dissect the language involved.”

O’CONNOR: “Well, he’s immediately in the ring and tossing that t-shirt to the crowd…”

H’WOOD: “…and the forty pounds of muscle on his body compared to O’Keefe means he could probably sh(BLEEP!)t out a brick bigger than this Irish Kid, maybe that’s what it all means?”

O’CONNOR: (over bell ringing!) “Just once, I’d like you to start off serious…and there’s the bell! Referee Scott Speranza re-entering the NFW fray as of late, I think he’s been on our injured reserve for a little bit. Hopefully, he won’t get into Brock’s way, I’ve heard that he’s not the most pleasant man to deal with outside the ring.”

H’WOOD: “I heard he’d beat your wife for a dollar. …he does LOOK the part.”

O’CONNOR: “We’ve got a lock up in the ring and Alyas immediately powers O’Keefe into a corner and…OOF! (crowd groan!) Stiff right hand from Alyas to the jaw and that’s got the Irishman stunned! Brock with another and now a quick ragdoll hiptoss out of the corner into the center of the ring…O’Keefe back up quickly and here comes Brock! (cheers!) Shaun with an armdrag on the charging Alyas, which sends the big man to the mat!”

H’WOOD: “Brock’s got an engine going in there that I think he’ll need to work on to last in some of the longer matches we’ve seen in NFW…”

O’CONNOR: “I’m not underestimating anything here as O’Keefe quickly lands another armdrag, causing Brock to curse loudly as he rushes to his feet! Shaun with a dropkick that only sends Alyas backpedaling and swatting at the air, like a fly hit him! Shaun better get up quick, NO! Not in time, Brock caught him with a running kick to the head as he got up! O’Keefe staggering and Brock’s got him by his blonde hair!”

H’WOOD: “LOOK OUT!”

O’CONNOR: (over cheers!) “Shaun puts his boot up in the corner to avoid getting smashed into it! Now, he rams Alyas’ head in and wheels him around! (groan!) IRISH UPPERCUT! WHOA! (crowd mark!) Alyas looks like Shaun just said something about his sister! O’Keefe with a shoulderblock to the gut, now grabs Alyas by the arm and sends him pack—NO! BROCK REVERSES! (Crash!) OH! O’Keefe hits the turnbuckles hard…AND HERE COMES ALYAS!”

H’WOOD: “This could be more effective than the South Beach and Atkins Diet combined!”

O’CONNOR: (over a loud crash, then crowd groans!) “OHHHHHHHH! RUNNING SPEAR INTO THE CORNER! HE JUST BROKE O’KEEFE IN HALF! SWEET MARY MOTHER!”

(CUTTO: ALYAS laid out in the spear positon, looking past the ringpost into the crowd with a crazed look as a violently coughing O’KEEFE is draped over his torso. ALYAS stands up ‘causing to O’KEEFE to simply flop onto the mat.)

O’CONNOR: “WOW! This man…Brock Alyas, whoever he is and where he came from…you’ve have to be careful with this Ford City motor that’s running his engine right now! I think Shaun O’Keefe could have broken ribs from that!”

H’WOOD: “Brock’s a poor boy from the streets that’s desperate, dirty and dreaming of success here in NFW…from the look of his eyes right now, I don’t think he cares who he has to hurt to get there…I think I may like him!”

O’CONNOR: “Don’t get your heart all a-flutter just yet, Woodman…”

(CUTTO: ALYAS rolls over O’KEEFE onto his back and starts choking him with his boot!)

O’CONNOR: “Ok…maybe you can. (BOOS!) Oh jesus, Alyas just broke the choke as Speranza reached four and spit on O’Keefe.”

H’WOOD: “He’s got some blood crusting over his drool…He’s helping him clean it off.”

O’CONNOR: “Alyas grabbing Shaun by the hair and reeling him into a standing position, I can’t help but fear for this kid’s safety in the ring with this possessed maniac! I don’t know what Brock’s trying to hook here…wait, he’s got Shaun up! (LOUD GROANS!) OHHHHHHHH! SIDEWINDER SUPLEX! OHMYFREAKINGGOD! SHAUN IS DEAD! SHAUN IS DEAD!”

H’WOOD: “Y’know, the last thing I need right now is to get arrested as an accomplice in Texas…thank god, I vote Republican!”

O’CONNOR: “Yeah, well don’t forget your comments about Hilary Clinton…”

H’WOOD: “What’s wrong with Grandma Rodham getting on my rod!?”

O’CONNOR: “We might have just seen this kid’s neck broken and that’s what you’re talking about?!”

H’WOOD: “Like the whole world doesn’t know that Bill told Maxim I’d be his number one choice as a tag team partner!”

O’CONNOR: “This kid’s dead and Brock Alyas has this bewildering stare on his face as he stares out to the crowd, and lays a stomp right into the unmoving head of Shaun O’Keefe! Alyas grabbing and ripping him up, he’s got him from behind…OHHHHHH! (LOUD GROANS!) Katahajime Suplex!”

H’WOOD: “Gesundtheit!”

O’CONNOR: “Shaun O’Keefe isn’t moving, Scott Speranza is checking on him…he could stop this match…well, if Brock Alyas wasn’t shoving him away!”

H’WOOD: “Maybe he likes the feeling of tossing around Irishmen, I know I do.”

O’CONNOR: “Alyas bringing him up to a standing position, but O’Keefe can barely stand! (LOUD GROANS!) OHHHHHH! VERTICAL DROP EXPLODER! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Alyas FINALLY covers…ONE! TWOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEE! (bell ringing!) We need medical attention for Shaun O’Keefe immediately, but what an impressive showing by the newcomer from Detroit!”

(CUTTO: Medical personnel rushing into the ring and immediately tending to O’KEEFE as ALYAS shoves away SPERANZA from raising his hand, which gets him a good amount of boos…)

O’CONNOR: “Quite an individual, we’ve got here in Brock Alyas…”

H’WOOD: “I’ve never seen a man turned into corned beef cabbage, but thanks to Brock Alyas…I can check that one off the list.”

O’CONNOR: “Gross…we’ll be right back.”

Back to the TOC

Phil Atken vs. Lord Coyner Pollard

CUEUP: “****in’ In The Bushes” by Oasis)

(CUE: The beginning of a jeer fest, quite possibly the biggest of the night as PHIL ATKEN and LORD COYNER POLLARD are set to due battle within moments here in Houston, Texas.)

H’WOOD: “These two guys are about as welcome as OJ Simpson in a womanist committee,”

O’CONNOR: “You are such an idiot.”

LEE-BABY SIMS: “Fans this next match coming to you is scheduled for one-fall, on his way to the ring weighing in at two-hundred thirteen pounds accompanied by the infamous DIRRRRK DICKWOOD… YOOOOOURRR ENTTERRRTAAAAAAINMENT SAVVIOURR! HE IS… PHILLLLLLLLL ATTTTTTTTKENNNNN! (crowd jeer).”

H’WOOD: BAHA! LOOK AT THAT LITTLE GUY! He’s ****in’ awesome! Atken sucks. But Dirk is the MAN!

O’CONNOR: “Riight. Well folks – ATKEN and POLLARD… any fan is sure to love this one because you probably despise both of these men and are sure to love see either men get the crap kicked out of each other,”

H’WOOD: “Oh yea, don’t forget about Hollywood over here, boy. I can’t wait to see some teeth get kicked around,”

O’CONNOR: “How are you still employed?”

(CUT TO: PHIL ATKEN, as he separates the curtains from backstage en route to the squared circle. Dressed in a black robe with gold trim, it’s sure to cause the average epileptic infant to break into a serious seizure.)

(ATKEN establishes himself in the ring, smiles at the fans at bit to egg them on and pulls on the ropes as he awaits his opponent.)

(CUEUP: “Americans Are Behind” by Bruce Dickenson)

LEE-BABY SIMS : “Fans, ATKEN’s challenger for this evening weighs in at SIX FOOT, ONE HUNDRED NINETY POUNDS… HE IS… THE LORD OF MERCIA, NORFOLK AND WESSEX… DUKE OF SUFFOLK, EARLY OF POWEYS… HE IS… LORD COYNER….. POLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLARDDDD!”

(CUTTO: Pollard now making his way to the ring, wearing a rather flashy singlet this evening… the entire way down mouthing profanities at the drunken Texans this evening. Pollard HATES Americans… and nothing spells America like Texas. Nothing.)

(POLLARD slides underneath the ropes as he glances over at ATKEN and a smirk enters his face as he does so, accordingly. POLLARD has a swagger in his step coming off a recent loss to newcomer Brock Alyas that just screams he’s in need of a win. And what a win it would be this evening over PHIL ATKEN at Crash 44!)

O’CONNOR : “By the looks of things, hostility is in the air folks!”

H’WOOD : “And by the smell of things, O’CONNOR just tossed the salad of the entire Houston Texan football team, talk that way you sick ****.”

(CUEUP : Ring a ding ding!)

O’CONNOR : “And POLLARD wastes no time attacking his opponent folks! Just as both men signaled their ready, ATKEN went to adjust a knee-pad and POLLARD came in and smoked him with a kitchen sink!”

H’WOOD : “Yeaaaaaaaa! That’s my last Howard Dean impression of the night.”

O’CONNOR: “POLLARD still on the attack as he manages to back ATKEN into a corner. Stomping mud holes into Your Entertainment Savior, POLLARD begins to wear his opponent down from the feet up.”

(CUTTO : POLLARD backing off before attempting to return with full force at ATKEN who telegraphed the attempt and managed to catch the Brit in the mouth with a stiff elbow. That surely has POLLARD biting his tongue.)

O’CONNOR : “And now ATKEN on the attack, using the pump handle to perfection as he wears his opponent down to his knees as he continuously smashes him over the back of the head with two fists. ATKEN forces POLLARD to stand straight up as he...”

(CUE – The loud smack of a knife-edged chop across POLLARD’S chest heard arena-wide.)

H’WOOD: “Oooh! He smacked him harder than the lick I put on O’CONNOR’s mother last night!”

O’CONNOR: “How about we PRETEND we can actually act professional.”

H’WOOD: “The snap suplex! ATKEN hits POLLARD with a snap-suplex!”

O’CONNOR: “ATKEN covers up!”

REFEREE: “One!”

O’CONNOR: “Quick kick-out from the representative of Britain as he throws ATKEN from off of him. Both men to their feet at roughly the same time, ATKEN charges in! Drop toe-hold used to PERFECTION from POLLARD!”

(CUTTO: POLLARD wasting no time applying a headlock while ATKEN is face first on the mats. ATKEN slowly but surely makes way to his feet as he put the use of elbows to the gut to no possible better outcome. ATKEN elbows his way free as he forces POLLARD into the ropes…)

O’CONNOR: “Big time shoulder puts ATKEN on his back! ATKEN rushes back up to his feet hoping to catch POLLARD off-guard but is instead kicked in the gut before POLLARD sends himself into perpendicular ropes and comes back delivering a perfect swinging neck breaker that eventually leads to a pin-fall attempt.”

REFEREE: “One! Two!”


O’CONNOR: “Two quick pin fall attempts for POLLARD definitely gives him the advantage within minutes into the contest. POLLARD looks upset at the officials decision to not end this one early and focuses his attention for too long! ATKEN rushes to his feet and rings his head off the nearest turnbuckle!”

H’WOOD: “Oh boy! ATKEN is not messing around! He’s sick and tired of being manhandled by a powerhouse like POLLARD!”

(Just as POLLARD stumbles back towards the middle of the ring, ATKEN takes full advantage of the situation, kicks POLLARD in the gut, forcing him to double over and pile drives him into the canvas head first!)

O’CONNOR: “HUGE PILEDRIVER FROM ATKEN! He covers up!”

H’WOOD: “HAHA! LOOK AT DIRKWOOD! HE’S IN HIS GLORY!”

(CUTTO: DICK DIRKWOOD flailing around like… well, a midget. Sorry folks. That’s about all he could possibly take the characteristics of)

REFEREE: “One! Two! Thr…”

O’CONNOR: “ATKEN nearly scores a pin fall after a high impact pile driver! The arena sits down after a close-call but POLLARD shows his intensity to win this evening and pushes off saving himself from defeat. ATKEN is on his feet first after showing a bit of frustration in the refs decision, he focuses in on POLLARD as the Lord slowly gets to his feet. ATKEN times his delivery perfectly and puts POLLARD back on the mats with a DDT.”

O’CONNOR: “Nicely executed DDT may score ATKEN the victory!”

REFEREE: “One! Two! Thre…No!”

(ATKEN took an unusually exorbitant amount of time to get back to his feet and he paid for it – POLLARD managed to hop right up while ATKEN was lollygagging and sent himself into the opposing ropes to come back and connect with a forearm smash, catching ATKEN in the throat.)

H’WOOD: “OH YA! Nothing says “Go **** Your Hat” like a nice throat lickin’! And right now ATKEN is FEEDING his hat doggy style with NO lube!”

O’CONNOR: “POLLARD at this point in the match gave ATKEN no time to recover and pulled him up by his hair, forcing his opponent to his feet quicker than he’d enjoy – enabling a snapping kick to the gut cut the oxygen intake from ATKEN temporarily, setting up a snapmare that POLLARD also wasted no time in turning into a spinal tap kick heard around the arena POLLARD’s working quick this evening, he isn’t letting ATKEN take a second longer than he deserves to embrace the impact of the rather stiff delivery from POLLARD.”

(At this point, POLLARD applied a Sleeper Hold that would put the Iron Sheik to shame.)

REFEREE: “Alrite! Alrite! Break that **** up!”

O’CONNOR: “As the Referee calls for POLLARD to loosen the hold, it appears as if he only grips around the jugular even tighter!”

H’WOOD: “It’s the NFW folks, chokehold’s are about as welcome as the Death Penalty here in Houston!”

O’CONNOR: “ATKEN just manages to find the ropes as he makes it all the way to his feet before elbowing himself free from the now headlock! ATKEN frees himself from the hold on his own good will and finds himself in a full sprint back towards POLLARD who telegraphs ATKEN’s running attack attempt and hits the deck, ATKEN with speed comes back and his clothesline attempt is reversed into…”

(SFX: WHAMMM! *HighSpot.com*)

O’CONNOR: “OOHHH MYYY GAAAUUUDD! *Joey Styles, well… style*… A HUUUGE Dragon Suplex dumping ATKEN right on his neck!”

H’WOOD: “COVER HIM! COVER THAT MOTHER ****!”

(POLLARD takes his sweet time covering up his opponent…)

REFEREE: “One! Two! Three! NOOO!”

O’CONNOR: “The fans are on their feet as the referee comes within inches of tapping his hand to the mats for a third time and the look on POLLARDS face SCREAMS ignorance.”

(As POLLARD wastes time educating the referee how to make a good three-count, ATKEN finds a perfect opportunity for a school boy!)

O’CONNOR: “SCHOOL BOY! SCHOOL BOY ROLL UP PIN!”

REFEREE: One! Two! Nooo!

O’CONNOR: “ATKEN jumps to his feet awaiting his opponent’s strategy of attack and POLLARD rolls away and on his knees smirks at ATKEN before looking at the fans and tapping his temple signifying his ring experience is far too advanced for a roll-up pin to be the deciding factor in such a high profile match-up,”

(Both men make it to their feet as the once again circle in the middle of the ring, each waiting for the other to make the first move – or mistake.)

O’CONNOR: “POLLARD seems to think he can head-fake his opponent making him think he’s going to go low before he uses the clothesline to his advantage. ATKEN hits the mats but rolls backwards and gets right back to his feet as he ducks another clothesline attempt that began with ATKEN took his attention span off his opponent for a split second. The momentum of POLLARD put him in the corner as ATKEN began stomping mud holes into a cornered POLLARD!”

H’WOOD: “ATKEN climbs the turnbuckle hoping to… DEAR GOD! The 10-punch is still used these days?”

FANS: “One! Two! Three!”

(ATKEN continues to punch his opponent in the head as he takes a quick glance at the fans in between each strike.)

FANS: “Five! Six! Seven!”

O’CONNOR: “ATKEN continues to eat up the reaction for the crowd, he’s not familiar with them enjoying seeing him pummel an opponent.”

FANS: EIGHT! NINE!

O’CONNOR: “This is when ATKEN takes a second too long of a pause in between punches and POLLARD uses the low-blow to perfection. ATKEN hits the mats folks! That had to hurt!”

H’WOOD: “What in God’s name would you know about that? You haven’t had a pair of nuts since, ever.”

O’CONNOR: “Good one Holly, how about we pretend like our focus is on the match.”

H’WOOD: “You’re the one who was talking about nuts.”

O’CONNOR: “And you’re the one… Oh god am I seriously giving you the time of day! Meanwhile in the ring folks, ATKEN is sent flying into the ropes before POLLARD executes a spinning spine buster that looks as if it takes as much out of POLLARD as it did ATKEN! The ref begins the 10 count!”

REFEREE: “THREE!”

H’WOOD: “POLLARD on his feet! The ref continues his focus on ATKEN as… BAHAHA! DIRK DICKWOOD! DIRK DICKWOOD TRIPS UP POLLARD! LORD COYNER POLLARD GOT DOUBLED OVER BY A MIDGET! BAHA!”

(At this point – POLLARD realizes DIRK DICKWOOD has gotten the best of him… and slides out of the ring to hunt down ATKENS trusty sidekick. As the dwarf flees POLLARD successfully, long enough for ATKEN to realize what’s going on…)

O’CONNOR: “OH MAN! ATKEN WITH THE PERFECTLY TIMED BASEBALL SLIDE CATCHES POLLARD IN THE CHIN!”

H’WOOD: “POLLARD just did a friggen back-flip! I HATE ATKEN but I must admit, DIRK DICKWOOD is going on my voter’s card this year folks! I love that little guy!”

(POLLARD attempts to shake the cobwebs out of his head, but it’s tough when you have an angered PHIL ATKEN pummeling you in every open spot with axe handles, kicks, punches, fore-arms, elbows – you name it.)

O’CONNOR: “ATKEN slides his opponent into the ring before following close behind and forcing him back to his feet. ATKEN Irish Whips his opponent into the ropes before POLLARD comes back and receives a big time Power slam.”

O’CONNOR: “Oh man! You could hear the mats explode from the nosebleed section!”

H’WOOD: “I don’t think FELIX RED could’ve heard it from the coke buffet in the back… I mean I’m sure his nose is blooded up and everything, but that’s a little much, O’CONNOR.”

O’CONNOR: “I meant the last row in the stands!”

H’WOOD: “It’s okay buddy, we’ll get you help soon.”

O’CONNOR: “Oh shut up already! ATKENS on the top ropes! He’s waiting for POLLARD to make his way to his feet! I think he’s going to set up the Missile Drop Kick, folks!”

(SFX: Jaw Crunch.)

FANS: “OOOH.”

O’CONNOR: “Oh man was I right! ATKEN connects with a high impact drop kick from the top-ropes and it hits POLLARD square in the nose! That was NOT pretty! ATKEN goes for the cover up but is rewarded yet another late two-count. ATKEN has a minute to sit up and shake his head in attempt to conjure an idea of what it was going to take to put this one away. ATKEN forces POLLARD to his feet quicker than he would’ve enjoyed before whipping him into the ropes and ducking and dodging a weak clothesline attempt from POLLARD before having POLLARD by the waist from behind…”

H’WOOD: “Just like ya mother likes it, O’CONNOR,”

O’CONNOR: “And it looks as if he’s going to set up one of the most dangerous moves in sports entertainment – the back body drop. And if you’ve seen any back body drop in the NFW, you might as well call it homicide because you can bet your bottom dollar there’s nobody been BACK body dropped in this asylum. ATKEN lifts POLLARD into the air and…”

(SFX: Neck Crunch.)

O’CONNOR: “BRINGS HIM BACK DOWN WITH A BACK BODY DROP DUMPING HIS OPPONENT ON HIS NECK! ATKEN isn’t done either, he wastes no time pulling POLLARD back to his feet before setting up a big-time stalling suplex…. POLLARD REVERSES! POLLARD makes it back to his feet before lifting ATKEN up in his own suplex! POLLARD has ATKEN deathly near the ropes, he may be sabotaging his attempt to gain the advantage… POLLARD HAS OTHER IDEAS! HE DUMPS ATKEN ONTO THE ROPES GUT FIRST!”

H’WOOD: “OH MAN! RIGHT IN THE BELLAY!”

O’CONNOR: “As ATKEN is dumped JUST inside the ring and looks to be down for the count – POLLARD also falls onto his back in exhaustion and this looks as if either men could have the potential advantage. Whoever can make it to their feet first…”

H’WOOD: “Its never a good idea to turn your back on Phil Atken, Dirk told me that’s the last thing his prom date ever said about their night…and he took his cousin!”

O’CONNOR: (over groans!) “That wasn’t me, folks! That was the crowd…’cause Phil Atken just swiped out the knees of Pollard with a chop block! And if you know anything, that could set up his HUMILIATION FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK!”

(CLOSEUP: DIRK raising his arms in victory, pulling out a cigar just as ATKEN starts grinding away on POLLARD with a spinning toe hold!)

O’CONNOR: “Atken’s setting up Pollard for it…”

(Suddenly, a bellowing and DEAFENING horn BOOOOOOOOOOMS! I’d describe what’s going on past it, but it’s completely drowning out the crowd’s reaction!)

H’WOOD: “Oh my gahhhhhhhhd! I’m gonna crap my PAN—“

(CUTTO: DIRK looking around like a squirrel after 50 tokes on a crackpipe post-coitus from crystal meth being injected up his ass! All of a sudden, he jumps and flips over the guardrail landing on his back as people around him still hold their ears in confusion…)

O’CONNOR: “I can barely… (the horn silences) …what the hell was THAT?”

(CUTTO: ATKEN yelling at DIRK to come back, POLLARD reaches up and pulls him into a small package!)

O’CONNOR: “POLLARD HAS ATKEN WRAPPED UP! ONNNNNNNE! TWOOOOOOO! THRNNNNNNNNNO! ATKEN KICKS OUT! He’s ducking his head out of the ropes and calling for Dirk, he’s gotta pay attention to his opponent!”

H’WOOD: “This is PHIL ATKEN we’re talking about, he needs all the help he can get!”

O’CONNOR: “Pollard struggling to stand up next to him, hold on! (LOUD CHEERS!) Pollard just reeled Atken into a Torture Rack! He’s got him UP…WHOA! (LOUD SCREAMS! GROANS!) OHMYGAHHHHHHHHHD! HE JUST DROPPED THAT INTO A PILEDRIVER! THE B.S.D! THE BOLEYN SISTERS DRIVER! YOU CAN COUNT TO THIRTY! (w/ crowd!) ONNNNNNNNNNNE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

H’WOOD: “Dear William Wallace, I think I now know how you felt when the British were done with you. Signed, Lamont Hollywood.”

(CUTTO: POLLARD staggering to his feet, holding one of his ears with his hand as if the horn got to him as well. The other arm gets raised in victory as the crowd boos!)

O’CONNOR: “Well…according to anyone touring the second leg of this Wrestlestock tour…this is the THIRD time in a row that’s happened to him at an NFW event. Someone is DEFINITELY sending a message to DIRK DICKWOOD, his grizzled and diminutive manager.”

(CLOSEUP: ATKEN doing the R.E.M. eye flicker…)

O’CONNOR: “And so far, only Phil Atken has been the recipient. We’ll be right back!”

Back to the TOC

Brock Breaks Even

(FADEIN: CRAIG MILES smoking a cigarette just outside the backstage area, the crowd immediately cheering! MILES is looking off into nothing, his silver sunglasses reflecting the spotlight above the emergency exit door. Into the picture, BROCK ALYAS storms over…the crowd giving a buzzed reaction as MILES doesn’t even turn around to look at him, ALYAS stands arms at his side and chest puffed out.)

ALYAS: “Miles, I think ya owe me some money for the last few shows.”

(MILES turns around, looking up the jacked ALYAS up and down as he takes a few steps closer.)

MILES: “Those redwoods you call legs know how to walk?”

(Before ALYAS even answers, MILES is walking through the door and flicking Newport against the wall. MILES starts turning random hallways, ALYAS stalking him.)

MILES: “You’re lookin’ good out there, Brock. Fans seem to respect what you’re trying to do. Like any good owner of a business, I’m really loving how you’re top of the class at your craft…”

(MILES enters a room finally, ALYAS cautiously entering what looks like an executive box suite. He now sees himself on television, the crowd cheering again! ALYAS looks at the cameraman behind him, sneering…)

MILES: “Of course, you just sent Shaun O’Keefe to the hospital and I’m gonna have to cover some expenses for some local indy piece of trash. (MILES shakes his head) Then there’s that little incidence when NFW Brawl was trying to get a spot for you to do for Sirius, and you F(BLEEP!)ING BROKE THE RECORDING EQUIPMENT. (MILES takes off his sunglasses) As far as I’m concerned, tonight was on the house…if you catch my drift.”

(The crowd buzzes as ALYAS grinds his teeth and then lunges towards MILES, but out of nowhere MILES unleashes a fireball barely a few inches in front of his face! ALYAS stumbles backwards, falling on his backseat in shock as the crowd marks! A few doors to the side of him open, RAUL and COJONES MERCADO stepping out of them…the crowd roars as COJONES pats a chair with BROCK’S face on it!)

MILES: “Now, we’re either going to be coming to a common UNDERSTANDING on how you treat the personnel of New Frontier Wrestling under my authorization. I’m willing to let you break necks in that ring, but don’t…EVER…think you’re touching the people that keep you on the air. Otherwise…”

(MERCADO pats his chair w/ BROCK’s face on it.)

MERCARDO (w/ crowd): “YOU NO GET UP.”

MILES: (smirking) “He means you’re FIRED.”

(MILES pauses to light a cigarette again, the crowd murmuring as BROCK looks pissed.)

MILES: “Now, you’re going to stand up in three seconds out of your own sense of pride and I’m willing to let that happen. From there, you’re going to make one of two choices…you’re going to charge me and sleep next to Shaun O’Keefe tonight…or you’re going to listen on how I’m willing to let you try and break a few more necks…while earning MORE CASH…than I would’ve paid you tonight.”

(The crowd buzzes loudly as ALYAS stands up slowly, gritting his teeth. He looks around the room for a moment, then stands in place and nods with a smile.)

ALYAS: “You’re F(BLEEP!)ING crazy, Miles. Nobody lied about that…(ALYAS smiles goes away) …now, tell me about what I need to F(BLEEP!)IN’ do.”

(FADETOBLACK)

Back to the TOC

Impulse vs. Rook Black

(CUEUP: Patti Smith performing "Land".)

(IMPULSE pushes the set of curtains in the entrance way to the side before making an appearance – this evening pitted up against the unlikely odds of beating NFW veteran, ROOK BLACK. There must've been a 20:1 spread on this one.)

O’CONNOR: “We’re back and rolling with our NEXT matchup of the night! Rook Black, the top National Championship contender taking on the rookie, IMPULSE in a one-on-one matchup!”

(IMPULSE pauses at the ramp way in hopes to receive a reaction from the crowd but he barely gets a peep they make barely reasonable noise – weak at best. IMPULSE continues down the ramp this evening in hopes to gain his first victory here in the NFDUB.)

H’WOOD: “I watched some tape of this kid, he flies around the ring like nobody’s business…but its doing nothing for his win-loss record so far. Instead of thinking about matrix enziguiries, he should start developing some quality pokes to the eye.”

(CUEUP: The powercords to Fugazi's "Waiting Room")

(The FRONTIER-tron came to life with a highlight reel of ROOK BLACK and the wins he's racked up thus far in a rather impressive career here in the DUB. BLACK makes his presence felt in a big way as the fans give a much louder reaction upon appearance.)

O’CONNOR: BLACK is the big-time favourite in this match-up, not only because he's a seasoned veteran in this business – but because Impulse has yet to put a win underneath his name in terms of his record here in the NFW. Eager and hungry to tally any and anything he can in the win column, IMPULSE's strategy for the evening will play right into ROOK's on paper – wait for them to make a mistake and go in for the kill.”

H’WOOD: “This isn’t the freaking discovery channel, Beanfry…”

O’CONNOR: “BLACK makes his way down the ring with his ever popular nonchalant swagger in action as IMPULSE keeps eyes on him the entire way down. Now, Rook’s slipping into the ring and doing the regular pre-match stretch and warm-ups…”

(SFX: Bell ring!)

O’CONNOR: “Here we go! IMPULSE running full speed ahead…CRASH, back meets mats via clothesline by Black! IMPULSE back on his feet… CRASH, back meets mats via clothesline VERSION TWO!”

H’WOOD: “Why are you talking like a robot? Goddamn, this Rook Black…”

O’CONNOR: “IMPULSE on his feet once again… bouncing off and ducking under the telegraphed clothesline attempt, and somehow hooks Rook around the head out of that! Impulse charging into the middle of the ring and HITS A BULLDOG! Against the mats with no remorse there!”

H’WOOD: “Like he was gonna cuddle and ask if Rook needed Teresa to pet his head?”

O’CONNOR: “IMPULSE wasting no time forcing BLACK back to his feet before using the turnbuckle as assistance in ringing BLACKS face against it a couple times. As Rook is temporarily stunned – and the fans are wondering if what they're seeing is real… IMPULSE backs away…AND LOOK OUT! An impressive splash from nearly half-ring! Rook’s wobbling into the center of the ring and falls facefirst!”

H’WOOD: “OWWWWW! Sorry, I don’t know what came over me.”

O’CONNOR: “Impulse must enjoy being in this position as he attempts to continue on his rally of sorts, stomping at the head and mid section of Black…he’s got him pinned down that’s for sure, right now. This kid’s come close to winning on more than one occasion…he’s definitely no lightweight…and now he’s bouncing off the ropes as Rook stands up and misses with a wild clothesline!”

H’WOOD: “The man is from Texas, I’ll give him that…”

O’CONNOR: “Impulse with a kick to the back of the leg, runs off the opposite ropes and look out! (CRASH! Groans!) Rook with a Sidewalk Slam out of nowhere! Rook quickly picking up Impulse off the mat, scoops him over the shoulder and runs across the ring hitting Powerslam with the cover! ONNNNE! TWO! NO! Impulse with a kickout!”

H’WOOD: “That kid doesn’t have a lot of meat on his bones, those types of move take a lot out of him over a long match.”

O’CONNOR: “Black is rewarded the average early-match two count yet remains on-top, or acts as if he is still on-top before a quick shot to the gut and a bounce into the opposing ropes…BIG SPLASH BY BLACK! And a cover! ONE! TWO! NO! Impulse kicks out and Black’s a getting a little angry!”

H’WOOD: “Yeah, maybe he’ll go home and pout or something. Unless Teresa Q says “Shazbott,” I think we’re all ok.

(CLOSEUP: ROOK BLACK takes the aggression of ONLY a two-count out on IMPULSES head in the form of a stiff boot, Hi…Ya, Stay the F*ck Down, K Thanks.)

O’CONNOR: “Rook pulls Impulse to his feet like he has him on a string and shoots him into the opposing ropes …kitchen sink knee! Black continuing the onslaught with axe handles to the back of the head as Impulse rolls over…Impulse trying to stand up – OOF! Black with a legsweep taking him down to the mat! (crowd pop!) Impulse retuns the favor with his own quick legsweep and now both men are down on the mat!”

H’WOOD: “You know, I’m sorry, but this scientific wrestling just isn’t any fun for me!”

O’CONNOR: “Both men on the mats, the race to who can get up first beginning…Impulse may take the cake here as crashes towards a stunned Rook and connects with a roundhouse kick that staggers Rook Back back! Impulse with a kick to the gut and he connects with a Tornado DDT! (crowd pop!) And that might not be in folks, the high flyer is ascending the top ropes and waiting for Rook…the Texan is trying to once again stand to his feet – HERE WE GO! (loud pop!) Missile Drop Kick hits Rook square in the chin! We’ve got a cover! ONE! TWO! THRNO! Rook kicks out just in the nick of time, Impulse was millimeters from winning his first match!”

H’WOOD: “If he has to end up wrestling a pie to get a win, we’ll the makers of American Pie sue us?”

O’CONNOR: “Impulse pounding away on the downed Rook with kicks and punches, Rook staggering up…but he’s taken down with a drop toe hold by Impulse! Rook looks like he’s getting frustrated and rushing to his feet and Impulse catches him with a dragon screw to the mat!”

H’WOOD: “Impulse put a nice string of attacks down, but he’s only been rewarded with a couple two-counts in the charade…he needs to try a pull of the tights, a shot to the milk duds!”

O’CONNOR: “Rook fighting off some Impulse right hands with his own…(crowd cheers!) We’ve got a trade of punches now in the centre of the ring, Rook gaining the advantage and blocks an Impulse attempt! OOF! A square shot to the chin puts back Rook in the aggressor role and he catches a charging Impulse with a Tilt-A-Whirl Slam!”

H’WOOD: “He should’ve gone for the pin there, stupid move!”

O’CONNOR: “Rook’s off the ropes, maybe trying to show a meanstreak and flies in with an elbow drop! NO! Impulse rolled out of the way and Rook hits nothing but the mat! Both men up, Impulse goes for a Hurrican—NOOOOOO! (CRASH! GROANS!) POWERBOMB BY BLACK! HE’S GOT IMPULSE PINNED! ONNNNNNE! TWOOOOOO! THRNO! Impulse kicks out and Rook’s not happy about it, he’s yelling at the ref…I don’t think I’ve ever seen Rook yell at the ref before…”

H’WOOD: “Teresa may be doing some good for him yet!”

O’CONNOR: “Rook lifting up Impulse to a standing base…oh boy, he’s hooking him – HERE WE GO! (crash! Crowd pop!) T-BONE SUPLEX! IMPULSE SKIDS ACROSS THE MAT!”

H’WOOD: “Now, we’re seeing Rook do something I like to see…

O’CONNOR: “He’s covering for the pin! ONE! TWO! NO! Impulse barely gets his shoulder up in time, and Rook’s even more frustrated! Hold on, Rook kicking Impulse out of the ring and the cruiser is now walking about in a stagger…”

H’WOOD: “I don’ think that’s lasting long.”

O’CONNOR: “Rook as him by the head! (CLANG!) OH! Impulse’s head bounces off the ringsteps courtesy of the Life of the Mind! Rook bashes Impulse into the aprion and rolls him back into the ring…”

H’WOOD: “That’s it!? Where’s the throat drop across the barricade? C’MON!”

O’CONNOR: “Rook lifting up Impulse by the mask, OOH! (cheers!) Impulse with a headbutt! Impulse on his feet and connects with a forearm uppercut! (crowd pop!) Enziguiri by Impulse and Rook falls out of the ring!”

H’WOOD: “He landed on his feet!”

O’CONNOR: “That might not be his best idea ‘cause here come Impulse! (CROWD ROARS!) SUICIDE DIVE BY IMPULSE!”

(CLOSEUP: Both men on their backs outside the ring, the referee pleaded for them to get back in the ring but it was no use – what say has ANY referee had in the NFW? Get real, kids.)

O’CONNOR: “Both men just crashed into the barricade there, but they’re both trying to quickly fight up to their feet…this one’s turned into a barnstormer, the fans are stomping and clapping in approval!”

(CLOSEUP: The referee shouting “EIGHT!” as both men pull themselves up on the apron…BLACK staggers back with a hand on the announce table, while IMPULSE pulls himself back into the ring.)

O’CONNOR: “Both men giving it their all…the Houston Crowd…listen to them all over Woodman! They’re getting louder and louder!”

H’WOOD: “They probably want someone to break out some brass knucks as bad as I do!”

O’CONNOR: “I think they’re cheering the fact that Impulse might get his first victory in the New Frontier! The ref’s at twelve…Impulse is looking out to the crowd and they’re clapping loudly!”

H’WOOD: “I don’t think this kid needs to get caught up in the atmosphere!”

O’CONNOR: He’s taking off the opposite ropes, HOLY JESUS CHRIST! SPRINGBOARD! (LOUD CRASH! GROANS!) ROOK DODGED THE SENTON! IMPULSE JUST TOOK OUT THE TIMESKEEPER’S TABLE!”

CROWD: “ENN-EFF-DUB! EN-EFF-DUB!”

(CUTTO: IMPULSE lying on top of a half-broken table, that’s not broken all the way through…slowly, IMPULSE slides off onto his knees and starts coughing.)

O’CONNOR: “Rook’s got Impulse by the mask and rolls him into the ring, they both look like they’re spent! Rook drops down and hooks the leg for the cover! ONE! TWOOOOOOO! THRNO! Impulse just kicks out in the nick of time! Rook lets out a frustrated yell and grabs Impulse by the mask and picks him off the mat, he’s backing him against the ropes and now whips him across the ring! (CHEERS!) Impulse ducks under a clothesline and ricochets off the opposite ropes…DIVING SHOULDERBLOCK! (cheers!) Rook’s doubled over, Impulse pushes up to a standing base and rockets off the near r—LOOK OUT!”

H’WOOD: “Oh sweet Mahoney, right in the kisser!”

O’CONNOR: “Rook just exploded out of nowhere with a vicious forearm into Impulse’s face! The masked man staggers off the ropes, he’s in Rook’s grasp! (CRASH! GROANS!) GAUNTLET THRRRRRRROWDOWWWWWWN! OH SWEET MARY! Rook covers! ONNNNNNNNNE! TWOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEE! Rook gets the win…BARELY! (SFX: Bell ringing!) Impulse almost pulled that one out, Woodman!”

H’WOOD: “Well, almost doesn’t do any good unless your woman miscalculates her descent on a reverse cowgirl!”

(CLOSEUP: ROOK BLACK standing as the referee raises his hand, and the fans start slowly cheering for the Life of the Mind, a man who had been through much in the past few months…but didn’t seem like he could even hear nor acknowledge what the victory meant. Yet... Almost as if an afterthought, BLACK helped the still - dazed IMPULSE to his feet, patted him on the chest once, as if to say 'good job,' and left the ring.)

H’WOOD: “Alright, can we cut to commercial…this stuff is why I’m downing 5 packs of Rolaids per show.”

O’CONNOR: “And once again, we cut to commercial with my partner claiming sportsmanship is blasphemy.”

(FADEOUT)

Back to the TOC

Don’t Dream It’s Over

(CUTTO: An open-topped Wrangler pulling into the parking garage and pulling into a HANDICAP spot as the crowd starts buzzing! Almost as if on cue ‘JUST’ MARK is on the scene and nodding to the cameraman in a “Check this out” nod.)

MARK: “Man, I’m really hoping this is someone like Dan Ryan…imagine the press we c—“

(The doors open as ‘JUST’ MARK approaches and out steps the gargantuan BRIAN DUNCAN of the DREAM TEAM to cheers from the crowd! From the shotgun’s side, MIKE GORDEY exits the Jeep looking at his partner with a shake of the head.)

DUNCAN: “Hey man, I’m not planning on staying here long tonight ‘cause we’re gonna make like Blaine Hollywood with his girlfriend and finish under a minute!”

(CROWD CHEERS!)

MARK: “Ummm…Hello, Brian Duncan of the Dream Team…”

(DUNCAN turns his attention to MARK, leaning over as MARK tries to remain untimidated…)

MARK: “Who I didn’t just see parking in a handicap spot. (DUNCAN leers at him) I was just standing out here waiting for you guys and wanted to find out what you felt about tonight’s Tag Team Summit…”

(The crowd cheers as GORDEY grabs the mic!)

GORDEY: “There’s been a lot of talk about a Wrestling Revolution going around, but the way I see it Mark is that this rebuilt tag team division was built on a House of Lies at SUPERCrash! Blaine Hollywood AND Malik Anderson are two yellow-backed cowards that needed some sniveling prepschool rodent to help them win the Everette Memorial Titles. Tonight…(slaps Duncan in the chest) this man and myself will go through them and ANYONE else to get a shot at what’s rightfully OU—“

(All of a sudden, RYAN ORACLE of the POWERGODZ is on the scene with a bumrushing blindside shot to Mike Gordey, knocking him into the Wrangler! DUNCAN swerves around right into a THWACK! Chairshot courtesy of THE POWERMASTER!)

MARK (backing away!) “THE POWERGODZ! THEY’RE ATTACKING THE DREAM TEAM IN THE PARKING LOT! Of all places, I’d never imagine a setup like this!”

(The crowd starts buzzing as DUNCAN staggers into POWERMASTER scooping him up and slamming him headfirst through the back windshield of the Wrangler, the crowd freaking out!)

MARK: “OH MY GOD!”

(ORACLE unlocks the back hatchdoor and places GORDEY’S hand underneath…SLAM! The crowd screams as GORDEY violently rolls around the cement, until the POWERGODZ put him out of his misery with a vicious barrage of stomps! MARK tries to get out of dodge, but POWERMASTER grabs him by the collar reeling him into the scene! ORACLE stands over The Dream Team proudly as MARK holds the microphone.)

PM: GLASS SHATTERS JUST AS MAN’S GRASP AT ETERNITY SLIPS THROUGH THE FINGERS OF TIME. ONLY THE AGGRO-INTENZE SHALL UNDERSTAND THE ABILITY TO TAKE THE SHATTERED GLASS AND BLAST IT INTO SAND. Dream Team, you say you understand your place as the best tag team in professional wrestling BUT YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR PLACE AMONGST THE GODZ. For only those that ACCEPT FOKRUCITY shall understand that the sun sets in the east only until the yak’s horn bellowzzzzzzzzzz

ORACLE: Dream Team… you lay at my feet unconscious. Soon, you shall willing lay there in worship. For I, Ryan Oracle… AM THE REFLECTION OF ZEUS. I and I alone was chosen by the King of the Godz to serve as his PHYSICAL REINCARNATION in this reality. Upon my birth, I was hand dipped into a vat of lamb’s blood, sealing my fate as the one with the Bod… of a God. You call yourself the Dream Team. But I am the one whose body you fantasize over when you close your eyes. The Godz Decree… Dream Team… that we shall take your spot… and claim the World Titles as our rightful trophies! ARRRHHHHH! SNORT!


(FADETOBLACK)

Back to the TOC

Cameron Cruise vs. Professor Tremendous

O’CONNOR: Welcome back fans, we’re still in a little shock at the turn of events with the Dream Team right now…we’re still waiting on what the medical doctors have to say, but they are NOT cleared to wrestle tonight…and in a stomach-turning twist of fate, Eddie Mayfield HAS granted the PowerGodz a spot in the Tag Team Summit…which is just downright DESPICABLE.

H’WOOD: HAIL EL PRESIDENTE!

O’CONNOR: You’re just happy that the tag team that went toe to toe with your son isn’t involved in what’s sure to be a crazy match later in the show. Anyway, boys and girls…we have one hell of a match coming up for you next.

H'WOOD: Boys and girls?

O'CONNOR: Too pedo-esque?

H'WOOD: I'll say.

O'CONNOR: Ladies and gentlemen, we have one hell of a match coming up for you next. Was that better?

H'WOOD: It was still words coming out of your mouth, so I'll go with “marginally”.

O'CONNOR: Two of our top contenders will be battling it out to make it clear that they... are more gooder?

H'WOOD: As good a reason as any. I often proved that I was more gooder than most and now ma boy Blaine is following in those footsteps.

O'CONNOR: Well done for having a son who can wrestle.

H'WOOD: Thank you.

(MUSIC UP: “She Blinded Me With Science” - Thomas Dolby)

O'CONNOR: And here comes the man that the Revolucion have a lot of money riding on, in the very briefcase that he's carry actually – one Professor Tremendous.

H'WOOD: How he managed to get that kind of cashola out of Miles and Mayfield astounds me.

O'CONNOR: Would you say it's just incredible?

H'WOOD: It's a level above incredible, it's just... well... tremendous.

O'CONNOR: I'm sighing on the inside right now.

H'WOOD: You better watch yourself with that attitude Beanfry.

(PROFESSOR TREMENDOUS makes his way out to the ring in a shower of pyrotechnic that would appease God himself. After Thomas Dolby finishes yelling the world “SCIENCE” for the fifth time...)

(MUSIC UP: "Rockafeller Skank" - Fatboy Slim)

O'CONNOR: The man who sold his integreity out of Craig Miles is now swaggering down to the ring, that forty thousand dollar briefcase in one hand... with a towel in the other? Now he's spitting out the gum I assume he was chewing, and batting it away with the briefcase.

H'WOOD: A tremendous display of accuracy there Beanfry, no one does it quite like the P to da T.

O'CONNOR: I feel like I've seen this all before but just not quite like this.

H'WOOD: Well the good Professor has been practising his tremendosity in the back all day, I'm sure you must have stumbled upon it.

O'CONNOR: I'm not so sure, I remember it all being a little more perfect than what I'm seeing from Prof T.

H'WOOD: Perfect? What we have in that ring right now is tremendous, a step above mere “perfect”.

O'CONNOR: I'm sure a dictionary would beg to differ.

(MUSIC UP: “Alive and Kicking” - Nonpoint)

O'CONNOR: And here comes Cameron Cruise, storming straight down to the ring. That man is all business and it's exactly due to that attitude that he's one of the top contenders in NFW right now.

H'WOOD: Who's he kidding with this “all business” attitude. The only reason he'll last beyond a minute in this match is if P-Tizzle wants to use this opportunity to break out his Tremendousplex?

O'CONNOR: Tremendousplex?

H'WOOD: P-Tres has been working on it all week. It's a sight to behold – a tremendous sight if you will.

O'CONNOR: I can sense this tremendous stuff being a percular nuisance. However, you'd be an idiot to write off a veteran like Cameron Cruise in a match like this after he re-established himself as a force to be dealt with at the last NFW Brawl event.

H'WOOD: Re-establish himself? Whatever you say Beanfry.

O'CONNOR: I may have to take that back as Professor Tremendous is now attempting to take out Cruise with that briefcase of his before the match even begins. YOUCH! Cruise kicked the briefcase back into Tremendous' face. The briefcase goes flying out of the ring and our official for this bout, Greg Herpin, calls for the bell.

(SFX: Ring bell)

O'CONNOR: If Tremendous was in the ring with a slower man than Cruise, this match may well have been over before it began.

H'WOOD: It was a tremendous plan, but Cruise managed to destroy it by having feet. I congratulate him on this wonderful new ability.

O'CONNOR: Cruise now takes advantage of the dazed Prof with a brutal running European Uppercut that takes the Good Prof right off his feet.

H'WOOD: This is a complete disgrace, he isn't even European, how dare he use that move.

O'CONNOR: Cruise is staying on the attack with a series of quick stomps to the downed Prof T.

H'WOOD: Those are illegal stomps, I need to get in there and teach this referee the damn rules of this company.
O'CONNOR: I'm not stopping you.

H'WOOD: My adoring fans would be most upset if they were suddenly to go without my glorious voice for a few mere moments. A few mere moments is enough to cause the suicide pact to go into action.

O'CONNOR: I'm just going to ignore that comment entirely. Cruise now has the Prof in a chinlock, driving his knee right into his neck at the same time.

H'WOOD: Both of these men have very similar styles, I think for this match we can expect very little brawling as both men try to flex their technical prowess muscles. We must remember though, that only one of these men has tremendous

O'CONNOR: Did Miles give you a briefcase too?

H'WOOD: I just call them and as I see them and what I see in the ring is one tremendous talent and one... Cameron Cruise.

O'CONNOR: Tremendous showing he's no slouch slips out of the chinlock, keeping his grip on Cruise's arm and locks in a hammerlock. Both men showing off their excellent ground games here.

H'WOOD: Do I even need to say it?

O'CONNOR: Cruise slips out of the hammerlock and tosses Tremendous into the ropes, he leapfrogs over the Prof but the Prof puts the breaks on, spins around and using his momentum to take Cruise down with a vicious discus clothesline.

H'WOOD: Self control like P-Mendous just displayed is exactly why he is the man with the briefcase right now.

O'CONNOR: It may very well be Lamont. Now he's coming of the ropes and delivers a rolling knee drop right down on the windpipe of Cameron Cruise, who is now clutching his throat for air. Tremendous is not capitalising on his advantage though, instead yelling out to the crowd about his tremendous physique.

H'WOOD: It is almost god like Beanfry.

O'CONNOR: Now Tremendous is attempting... the exact same thing, he bounces off the ropes BUT NO! Cruise manages to roll out of the way and Tremendous drills his knee into nothing but mat. Cruise takes advantage of the situation by pulling himself back up and as the pained Tremendous gets back up he turns back towards Cruise and falls victim to one of the quickest snap suplexes I have ever seen.

H'WOOD: It's a snap suplex, they're meant to be quick. The key is in the title.

O'CONNOR: Cruise going up to the second turnbuckle now, he may be looking to drop an elbow to Tremendous' throat, returning the favour from moments ago.

H'WOOD: Much like God intended. I'm sure it says somewhere in the Bible an eye for an eye, a knee for an elbow.

O'CONNOR: I have no idea what you're rambling about, not that it matters as in another show of agility, Professor Tremendous manages to scramble out of the way of the incoming Cruise.

H'WOOD: He is a man with tremendous agility after all.

O'CONNOR: Tremendous now is back up to his feet, stalking Cruise as Cruise attempts to regain his footing. Cruise up to his feet... not for long. Tremendous with a brutal Enziguri and Cruise flops back down to the mat.

H'WOOD: Cruise is more floppy tonight than.. actually I'll save you that embarrassment Beanfry.

O'CONNOR: What are you talking about?

H'WOOD: Although it wouldn't take a genius to fill in the blanks at this point. Speaking of genii, the Professor is reminding these mentally lacking fans of his tremendous brain prowess.

O'CONNOR: A costly mistake, that was proven to be, as Cruise sneaks up on Tremendous from behind with a beautiful and brutal German Suplex. He doesn't let go however, bridging it into a pin. Harpin fast to act.

(CROWD: One: Two!)

H’WOOD: “They’re stealing your job, Beanfry!

(CROWD: OOOOFEURGHYARGHYARGH)

H’WOOD: …or not.

O'CONNOR: No! The mistake wasn't costly enough to cost Tremendous a win in this top contenders bout.

H'WOOD: I question the moniker of this match.

O'CONNOR: Cruise attempts to stay in control of the match, stay in the driving seat if you will. The leader of the charge, I'd say.

H'WOOD: Any more clichés lined up?

O'CONNOR: Certainly, just not for this situation. Cruise goes for a discus clothesline of this own here but Tremendous ducks and hits a bridging German of his own.

H'WOOD: This seriously could end the match, Cruise hit a pathetic German but The Professor just nail a tremendous bridging German suplex of his own.

(CROWD: ONE!)

(CROWD: OOOOFEURGHYARGHYARGH)

H’WOOD: Does Texas just not know how to count?

O'CONNOR: Only a one count for Tremendous, surprising considering my colleague over there informed us it was a better suplex.

H'WOOD: It was, Cameron Cruise has probably smothered himself in baby oil, it's the only way to explain his slippery nature in this bout.

O'CONNOR: Cruise may be slippery, but he's still down and dazed from that suplex, Tremendous taking advantage of the situation drags and sets up Cruise in the corner. Oh god, I'm hope he's not thinking about doing what I'm thinking... oh god he is. Fans I would advise you to turn off the television for the second twenty to thirty seconds.

H'WOOD: Even I'm disgusted at that move. Well that's not exactly true, it's just not the time for it.

O'CONNOR: Nor the place?

H'WOOD: Nah, the place is fine, just too early in the night for Ole Hollywood.

O'CONNOR: I was hoping I was wrong, but THE SPUNK FACE. Cameron Cruise has just fallen victim to that Spunk Face of Tremendous'.

H'WOOD: This reminds me of a film Dirk Dickwood sent me the other day, at least there were females involved in that version that.

O'CONNOR: Well so much for our belief that this match would be a display of pure technical prowess in a battle for supremacy. We now have a man shoving his crotch directly into another man's face.

H'WOOD: I know some websites that would give that a five star review.

O'CONNOR: Are any of them wrestling related?

H'WOOD: Depends on interpretation.

O'CONNOR: The actions of Tremendous may not have done him any favors however, as an enraged Cameron Cruise punches Tremendous right in the exposed balls. The referee does nothing about this, probably still trying to burn the image of The Spunk Face out of his brain mind.

H'WOOD: We're at six stars now.

O'CONNOR: Tremendous doubled over in pain, and Cruise uses that to toss The Professor across the ring with a Butterfly Suplex. With the force Cameron Cruise put on that move, Tremendous bounced ring into the ring ropes, almost flying out the ring.

H'WOOD: Turns out Cruise really doesn't like sweaty man crotch in his face. I need to update my notebook.

O'CONNOR: Cruise looks like he's about to kill someone, Tremendous sees the look on on Cruise's face and rolls out of the ring in a panic.

H'WOOD: His tremendous knowledge of the ring knew that the best thing . A mere average wrestler would not have had the foresight to roll out of the ring at this point.

O'CONNOR: Your average wrestler probably wouldn't smother their opponent with their crotch.

H'WOOD: Different strokes.

O'CONNOR: Tremendous now on the outside goes and grabs that briefcase of his and slides back into the ring.

H'WOOD: It's the smartest thing he could do in this situation, Cruise is really enraged at this point.

O'CONNOR: Tremendous now back in the ring with the briefcase but Cruise must have saw it coming in the corner of his eye and attempts to grab the briefcase off of Tremendous.

(QUICK CUTTO: BROCK ALYAS running down the entrance ramp, the crowd buzzing!)

O’CONNOR: “What the—WHAT’S HE DOING HERE!?!?”

H’WOOD: “Well, I can only pray that he’s here to lobotomize Cameron Cruise, so I don’t have another plane ride where he gets drunk and starts to tell me about the psychological traumatics of his honeymoon night.”

O’CONNOR: “Tremendous and Cruise are having a tug-of-war in the ring and don’t even see him coming! (LOUD SCREAMS!) ALYAS IS IN THE RING, RUNS OFF THE ROPES! (LOUD GROANS!) DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE ON THEM BOTH! Cruise and Tremendous are down, and lookit this! (crowd cheers!) Alyas is trying to wrench the briefcase out of their tugging grasps! (crowd gets loud!) Alyas has it and he’s trying to get out of the ring, but Cameron Cruise is on his feet! (LOUD CHEERS!) Cruise with a right hand on Alyas! Another! (LOUD GROANS!) OOF! Alyas jabbed the briefcase into Cruise’s gut, he’s doubled over…OH NO!”

H’WOOD: “OHHHHH YEAH!”

O’CONNOR: “TREMENDOUS HAS CRUISE IN A FISHERMAN’S….SPINS HIM AROUND! (crash! LOUD GROANS!) SPINNING FISHERMAN’S BUSTER! THE TREMENDOUSSSSSSSSS PLEX! ONNNNNNNNNNNE! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (LOUD BOOS!) Professor Tremendous has just STOLEN a victory from Cameron Cruise with the help of Brock Alyas!”

(CUTTO: TREMENDOUS staggering up to his feet, raising his arm in victory as the crowd boos! All of a sudden, they start screaming!)

H’WOOD: “Oh, this is just WRONG!”

O’CONNOR: (over a loud smack!) “OHHHHHHH! (crowd boos!) Alyas slammed the briefcase into the back of Tremendous’ head! I don’t even think the Professor saw him!”

(CUTTO: ALYAS rolling out of the ring, hopping over the guardrail and running off with the stolen briefcase!)

H’WOOD: “Well…Cameron Cruise was obviously the innocent bystander during a highway robbery!”

O’CONNOR: “Ugh. Jokes aside…Professor Tremendous…he may have won this match, but there’s supposedly 40 GRAND in that briefcase and Brock Alyas has reportedly been OBSESSED with money…”

H’WOOD: “Well, he’ll be a happy man tonight.”

O’CONNOR: “We’ll be right back.”

(CUTTO: PROFESSOR TREMENDOUS trying to focus in the ring as the referee raises his arm in victory as his name’s announced! QUICK CUTTO: BACKSTAGE – BROCK ALYAS using a crowbar to blast the briefcase open, there’s a huge smile on his face…that QUICKLY fades as the crowd starts buzzing! The camera looks over his shoulder and shows an EMPTY BRIEFCASE and the crowd roars in approval! BROCK picks it up and slings it into the cameraman as we cut to commercial with a blast of static from the impact!)

Back to the TOC

Someone’s Taken The Title Sleep Now In The Fire A Bit Too Far…

(We return from commercial to hear the atmospheric sounds of Prelude 12/21 kick in as footage of Legion’s previous escapades over the past few months show up on the Frontiertron… as soon as Prelude ends the lights go out only to be replaced by red flame and Pet by A Perfect Circle hits… we see both Legion and ‘Sickness’ walking down the ramp, ‘Sickness’ carrying a black briefcase…)

O’CONNOR: “Fans, we’ve been told that Legion has secured UNINTERRUPTED time for this portion of the telecast…”

H’WOOD: “I don’t know whether to be ecstatic or offended I can’t make fun of it.”

O’CONNOR: “…which means that my colleague and myself will be taking a short break, but I wouldn’t leave right now ‘cause I think things are just getting interesting…as he has said that this will concern our National Champion…”

(CUTTO: The crowd cheering as we get a backstage shot of TERESA Q in her locker room.)

O’CONNOR: “Is in the building tonight! …And away we go ‘cause here is Legion getting in the ring.”

(CUTTO: Legion lets ‘Sickness through the ropes (as despite being a manipulative S.O.B at heart, he’s still a gentleman), then grabs the mic and begins to speak)

Legion: Well, the time has come… the Road to Wrestlestock is reaching it’s natural end so it is time to start finding out the answers to the much asked or in mine and Sickness’ case much accused questions and statements made by our very own National Champion concerning what the lovely Sickness did just before the treasured Christmas time…

Needless to say these accusations have not helped, considering she just had to leave Rook behind after he thinks she doesn’t love him anymore… and since, dear Teresa, you want the truth SO badly, I think we’ll give it to you - so don’t be shy!

(300 Mhz hits as the National Champion walks to the ring. Yes folks, the use of At The Drive-In means serious mode is engaged, target: The Devil’s Rejects. She waits for a few moments, waiting for the pop to die down with her arms behind her back and measuring the pair with a raised eyebrow.)

Teresa: As usual, Legion, you're forgetting something both important and obvious. Truth is an easily manipulated sort of thing, the people who can attain power and keep it decide what truth is. You of all people should know that. And when one person is the NFW National Champion and hasn't lost a match in the oh, seven or eight months since arriving, and the other person spends about the same amount of time trying to headgame up some stooges to do his very generic dirty work, and the other person is a glorified groupie - wait... scratch the 'glorified' bit - who's too stupid to see the very obvious connection between the end of a relationship and the deception it was built upon - I don't think it's too difficult to see where the power here lies. So, allow me to tell you the truth.

(She grins and rolls under the ring, waves her hand a little at the crowd, slowly fiddles with her collar, and continues)

Teresa: Ladies! Gentlemen! Children! Other! It's been a confusing ride that will probably get even weirder as we go on, but allow me to present to you, in the simplest possible terms - two complete poseurs! On one hand, we've got Legion. He'd like to be a cool British cross between Satan The Devil and David Koresh, except he's missing some of the basics, like charisma and class and a basic grasp of the English language. And in your desire to step on the backs of others to get all the benefits of power with none of the getting beaten up stuff, you are not a revolutionary. You are painfully typical.

And then there's Sickness. And I don't know - (she brushes her hand against her arm dismissively) - I guess you're going for the Mistress of the Dark thing. But you don't even have that, do you?

(Teresa stands uncomfortably close to her. Like, their hair is touching and stuff.)

Teresa: Your problem, dear girl, is that you can't do anything right. You tried arson, and you were dumb enough to leave evidence behind. A sticker for a local band that - surprise surprise, you were a member of. And you signed on for your standard seduce and destroy routine - and honestly, it's 2008, you owe the gender more creativity than that - but then, you lost sight of your goal halfway, found yourself caught between two impossibilities. And now... somebody you pretended to love doesn't much care to pretend for you anymore. You can't blame Rook Black for leaving you. You know that. You can't blame Legion for taking advantage of you. And you can't blame those failings on me, can you? I didn't pluck away those not-quite-sweet whispers from you in the night. No - you have to look your own weakness and incompetence and stupidity in the mirror, you insignificant brat... because this is all you. It's easy to paint me as some sort of malevolent spirit that's crushing you under my thumb, but truth be told - I am not standing between you and Rook. His happiness makes me happy, Sickness. And I know that he wants to have you. So if you have any interestin him, all you need to do is sway your ass backstage... and allow yourself to be had.

(*CRACK* - Suddenly the goading and taunting becomes too much, and ‘Sickness’ suddenly snaps by punching Teresa full throttle in the chin, knocking her off balance, and even Legion is shocked by the sudden show of brutality ‘Sickness then tackles Teresa to the ground finishing with a stiff knee to the face busting open Teresa’s nose.Legion's shocked expression slowly morphs.. into a smile.)

‘Sickness’: You just wouldn’t stop would you… you know my only regret now? That I didn’t burn you along with your house! Congrats hun you’ve just unleashed the devil… Sickness is finally dead… Luci4 IS BORN!

(As soon as the word born is screamed you hear THE laugh… everyone say hello to the true mistress behind Rev 22:20… Legion suddenly brings the briefcase over as he is handed the mic…)

Legion: Now here comes what we effectively call the kicker… (opens the briefcase) since you have been trying to control our project we’re going to do what will happen to both you and Rook if you don’t make the right choice in the war…

(The briefcase contains the infamous barbed wire noose… Teresa struggles and manages some just barely audible curse words, but she's clearly out of it. Legion wraps it around Teresa’s neck and pulls it tight. Her eyes bug forward a little as she claws at the wire, which only serves to make things worse.)
Legion: I think Luci wants to send this message personally… (s he says personally he grabs some of the blood off Teresa and puts it on his finger which is then seductively licked off by Luci4… Luci then grabs Teresa and the noose and flips her over the edge effectively hanging the National Champion… suddenly the crowd screams as Rook runs down to which Legion and Luci4 run out of the ring)

Legion: By the way Rook… I’ve not forgotten about your little incident either… there’s one more gambit left to show and it will change your world… make you feel our pain but most of all (passes the mic to Luci4)

Luci4: Taste My Despair

(The laugh strikes up again as instead of Pet her theme of Rev 22:20 by Puscifer kicks in as they leave…FADEOUT.)

Back to the TOC

NFW Tag Team Summit: Part 1

(FADEIN: BACK LIVE! LEE-BABY SIMS is in the middle of the ring and ready to go! The fans ROAR as the house lights die out to pitch blackness, cameras flash everywhere!)

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “Welcome back fans, we’re moments away from the EL PRESIDENTE ORDAINED NFW Tag Team Summit match!”

H’WOOD: (V/O) “That’s right Beanfry, and even though it’s a non-title match there’s no way that Calvin Carlton advised Malik or my son, Blaine to throw this match. CHOOSING your opponent for Wrestlestock is way better than one of these crazies deciding anything. Speaking of crazies, what the hell did we just watch with Legion and Teresa?”

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “I’m not really sure…but I think the National Championship picture is murkier than ever. Let’s take it to the ring with Lee-Baby…for a situation that may not be any better.”

(CUTTO: SIMS under a lone spotlight, the crowd wolf-whistling and howling as ‘FIRE’ by JIMI HENDRIX bursts through the speakers to a loud pop!)

SIMS: “This Presidential Ordered NFW TAG TEAM SUMMIT is a FATAL FOURWAY match scheduled for ONE FALL with the Everette Memorial Titles NOT on the line! (boos!) Its purpose is to fairly determine the CHALLENGER for the EMT’s at WRESTLESTOCK 2. Should the champions win (boos!), they will choose their own challenger for the historic pay-per-view. Should any of the contenders win (LOUD POP!) …they shall wrestle for the EMT’s against the current champions at WRESTLESTOCK 2.”

H’WOOD: (V/O) “I’m falling asleep, get on with it!”

SIMS: “Introducing the first challengers, who are also teaming up for their first time! In part of a special NFW Probationary Measure by EL PRESIDENTE, they have been placed as partners these evening to fulfill their civic duties as New Frontiersman.”

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “Are you kidding me? Miles found a pyromaniac lawyer!”

H’WOOD: (V/O) “Correction…recovering pyromaniac.”

SIMS: “One is a former NFW World Heavyweight Champion currently participating in EL PRESIDENTE’s Wellness Program, while the other is Wrestling Revolution Appointed Counsel – Here are FEEEEEEEEEEEELIX RED! Annnnnnnnnd STEVE TORRRRRRRCHOWWWWWWSKI!”

(CUTTO: TORCHOWSKI quickly walking through the curtains and trying not to make eye contact with the crowd who immediately start chanting “WELCOME BACK! WELCOME BACK!” TORCHOWSKI is clutching at his briefcase nervously, while FELIX RED walks out a few moments later slowly and somewhat cautiously.)

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “And these two don’t look like either of them trust what’s going on here tonight. Felix Red has been a marked man by Eddie Mayfield ever since Mayfield caught him doing some rather nefarious things backstage at SUPERCrash, just hours before fighting for the vacated World Championship. The rest is history and now as punishment, Red is being forced to tag with former NFW indy-years favorite, TORCH…in quite a new role.”

H’WOOD: (V/O) “Hey he earned that online law degree from University of Phoenix, Beanfry. He’s no Oxonian, but the last thing Red wants to do is upset that balance or his chances of getting a fair day in NFW court.”

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “Knowing Red…I doubt things will go as planned since the first thing he ALWAYS wants to do is upset the balance of things.”

(CLOSEUP: TORCHOWSKI jumping back in shock as fire blazes out of the ringposts as FELIX steps through the ropes. TORCHOWSKI is wearing a 3-sizes too small white collared shirt with mustard/soy sauce stained khakis. RED is wearing a denim jacket, no shirt, red ring pants with psychedelic patterns everywhere and matching boots.)

H’WOOD: (V/O) “And just think, Felix Red main evented Wrestlebowl 2’s Night One World Championship match almost a year ago. What did we learn kids? DRINK COKE, DON’T SNORT IT.”

SIMS: “And now introducing the second challengers!”

(MUSICUP: “Take No Prisoners” – MEGADEATH~!)

SIMS: “They are the Genetic Evolution of the GREEK GODS. Blood Descendents from Hercules and 21st Century Engineered Athletically. From the high peaks of Mount Olympus, where they train and pray in their FOKRUTIC FORTRESS. THIS IS POWWWWWWWWERMASTER ANNNNND THE REFELECTION OF ZEUS! RYYYYYY-UHHHHN ORRRRRRRRRRACLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!”

(CUTTO: POWERMASTER blazing a trail down the ramp at full sprint, the crowd marking out as his cheeks puff more than Snoop Dogg on April 20th at 4:20 PM.)

SIMS: “THHHHHHHE POWWWWWWWWWWERGAHHHHHHHHHDZZZZZZZ!”

(CUTTO: POWERMASTER gets to the apron and starts stomping like a cracked out moshpit dancer with the crowd going wild! He starts shaking the ropes and then slingshots in as TORCHOWSKI and RED immediately roll out as he starts crisscrossing like a madman. QUICK CUTTO: Five blank-faced, pale blondes in white sultry togas roll a full-length mirror down the ramp as RYAN ORACLE slowly walks in front of it, admiring himself…and about every 10 steps, pausing to take a long bodybuilding pose. The crowd starts booing as he takes way too long…)

H’WOOD: (V/O) “I’m finding it odd that Oracle hasn’t made eye contact with any of those women…then again, one has the facial complexion of Elvira…and at least the knockers to match. I could jiggle the Dodger Dog in…”

O’CONNOR: (V/O) “Oh no you don’t!”

(MUSIC-UP: "I Predict A Riot" by the LCD Soundsystem, the crowd ROARS!)

(QUICK CUTTO: TSUNAMI and STRATTON charging down the ramp, ORACLE none the wiser! The crowd is freaking out as the pale nymphs start shrieking and jump off the ramp, but ORACLE is standing near the apron admiring his thighs in the mirror!)

O’CONNOR: “THE SUICIDE KINGS ARE RUNNING OUT! THEY’RE HERE! ORACLE SEES THEM IN THE MIRROR! (loud cheers!) Its too late! Oracle’s eating a rapid fire squadron of fists from the Kings and he’s off the ramp! HERE COMES POWERMASTER! (CROWD EXPLOSION!) STRATTON CATCHES HIM WITH A RUNNING DROPKICK!”

H’WOOD: “I don’t like the look in Tsunami’s eye, Beanfry! HE’S GOING LOCO!”

(CLOSEUP: TSUNAMI looking INCREDULOUSLY at his own reflection in the mirror! Rubbing at his face like he’s got a huge smudge of grease to get off of it…)

TSUNAMI: (pointing at the mirror) “DANGERMANNNNN! DANNNNNNGERMAN!”

(CUTTO: TSUNAMI stomping up the aisle, slapping himself in the head…and then all of a sudden he turns around with a bonechilling scream!)

O’CONNOR: “What’s he doing! He’s charging down the – (crowd marks!) BACK HANDSPRING! NO! NOOOOOOO! (LOUD SHATTER! CROWD EXPLOSION!) OHHHHHHMYGAHHHHHHHHHD! OHHHH MY GAHHHHHHHD! TSUNAMI JUST SENT HIMSELF FLYING THROUGH THE MIRROR! THERE’S GLASS EVERYWHERE ON THE RAMP!”

H’WOOD: “…that…that…was…AWESOME.”

O’CONNOR: (over crowd MARKING!) “I can’t believe it, but in the ring – we’ve got Felix Red all over DC Stratton with a few sidekicks from behind! (crowd boos!) Torchowski pulls him away, he’s trying to stop him…OOF! (crowd pop!) Felix with a spin kick and Torchowski takes a tumble out of the ring with his briefcase…”

(CUTTO: Ringside fans’ eyes opening wide as amongst papers falling out everywhere…are SEVERAL bottles of lighter fluid. TORCHOWSKI scrambles to try and stuff it all back into the suitcase!)

O’CONNOR: “And hold on…RAYNE and NEIL RIDDICK are running down the ramp and I’m guessing they’re here to help Tsunami who’s apparently knocked himself out onto a pile of shattered glass!”

(CLOSEUP: RAYNE arriving on the scene and kicking TSUNAMI off the ramp to crowd shock! She falls to her knees enamored with the broken glass, picks up a large piece and starts looking like she’s going to cut herself on the arm!)

O’CONNOR: “What the deuce? (CROWD EXPLOSION!) OHHHHHH! RIDDICK JUST TACKLED RAYNE OFF THE RAMP! …I think she wanted to kill herself!”

H’WOOD: “Well, anyone that’s willing to f(BLEEP!)k Manson even once can’t ever forget the fact there was a three-legged goat used six different ways.”

O’CONNOR: “We’ve got things out of control…and the champions aren’t even here yet! Stratton and Felix are trading kicks in the middle of the ring, but I don’t think Stratt—LOOK OUT! (loud pop!) Powermaster cracks Felix Red with a running shoulderblock! Stratton with a dropkick on Powermaster, but that didn’t even faze him! (cheers!) Now, he’s stomping a mudhole on Stratton before he can get up! Oracle’s sliding in the ring, here comes Torchowski in as well!”

H’WOOOD: “You haven’t had to call this much action since you hired those Chippendale dancers for your wife’s last birthday, Beanfry! I still can’t believe you tipped them, when she double dipped…”

O’CONNOR: “Oh please! Torchowski wheels around Powermaster and cracks him with a right, but Oracle spins him around catches him with a body slam! Oracle standing over him and posing, but look out! (LOUD POP!) SPRINGBOARD INTO A SIDEWINDING HEADSCISSORS TAKEDOWN BY STRATTON! (groans!) But look at Felix Red take immediate advantage with a sliding dropkick into his back as he sits up!”

H’WOOD: “Referee Bruce Phillips is trying doing about the biggest half-ass job I’ve ever seen in trying to break up a 6-man brawl!”

O’CONNOR: “What do you want him to do!?”

(QUICK CUTTO: The FRONTIERtron where the visibly annoyed HOLLYWOOD WRECKING CREW and CALVIN CARLTON are standing in front of the Revolution Star backdrop – the crowd IMMEDIATELY starts chorusing with loud boos!)

H’WOOD: “No need, Beanfry…I think we’ve got the right men for this job!”

(CLOSE-UP: A focused backstage shot of CALVIN CARLTON…)

CARLTON: “If all six of you green-card carrying, welfare food-stamp born babies don’t STOP SULLYING the ring in which the HOLLYWOOD WRECKING CREW…(the crowd boos! All 3 men bristle their nostrils, MALIK makes the cutthroat motion) The only good thing about this city is that your 1984 beat-up Ford Broncos are guzzling up the 36 gas stations CARLTON TRUSTS owns in its vicinity! (MORE BOOS!) As I was SAYING…”

(CARLTON adjusts his gold tie with angry leer, accentuating the royal Purple suit he’s wearing in allegiance to Kobe, Magic and Jerry West.)

CARLTON: “The Hollywood Wrecking Crew REFUSES to attend this Tag Team Summit UNTIL THERE IS ORDER! (LOUD BOOS!) SHUT THAT CAMERA OFF, THIS INTERVIEW’S OVER!”

(As the FRONTIERtron fades out, the crowd keeps booing as the six groggy wrestlers in the ring stand up…BRUCE PHILLIPS immediately standing in the middle, holding his hands out to keep them separated.)

CROWD: “BLAINE SUCKS!” (redux)

H’WOOD: “I hate this state, Beanfry…HATE IT.”

(All of a sudden, the lights go pitch black!)

(MUSIC UP: Tinkly, 1930's style vaudeville music, which segues into Doris Day singing 'Hooray for Hollywood'! The crowd starts LOUDLY BOOING as the old-timey lyrics go, until the record needle violently scratches! After that, "Going Back to Cali" the Sevendust Repose cranks in and smoke starts billowing through the curtain!)

H’WOOD: (V/O) “These fans need to show some respect, Beanfry! This is the first LIVE appearance of the greatest TRIO in professional wrestling!”

(CLOSEUP: CALVIN CARLTON stepping out with his pearly whites beaming from his wide grin. He’s holding his arms out, his tennis racket covered with a winking Betty Boop! The crowd starts booing LOUDLY, but you can’t help hear some marks in the audience… QUICK CUTTO: The tag teams in the ring getting settled on the apron. QUICK CUTTO: Back to CARLTON, who pulls out a wireless microphone from his suit jacket.)

CARLTON: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…The Age of HOLLYWOOD is upon you! (LOUD BOOS! CARLTON sneers) Shut your rotten toothed beef jerky reekin’ mouths…and I’m just yelling at the women! (MORE boos! CARLTON shakes out his jacket) Introducing the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS of the WORLD! The most TRENDSETTING, JETSETTING, WOMEN BEDDING MEN IN SPORTS ENTERRRRRRRTAINMENT! The Wrestling Messiah, BLAINE HOLLYWOOD! The Black Sheeeeeeeep, MALIK ANDERSON! THHHHHHHHE HOLLLLLLLYWOOOOOOOOD WRECKING CREW!”

(CUTTO: HOLLYWOOD and ANDERSON walking out side by side, both in glittering and shimmering full-length robes. MALIK’s is a simple black and silver design with “ANDERSON” scrawled in cursive silver on the back, rhinestones speckled everywhere. Meanwhile, BLAINE’s royal blue and red trimmed robe is much more intricate. White, feathered boa collar and the Oxford Greco-Roman Wrestling Team crest centered on the back, “B. HOLLYWOOD” in a sparkling white Olde English font underneath. Both men soak in the moment, the crowd booing loudly as CALVIN raises his tennis racket in the air as white sparklers shoot upwards in a cascading, circular motion around them.)

O’CONNOR: “And if this introduction doesn’t let you in on the EGO of these three men, then you’re not familiar with Calvin Carlton, Blaine Hollywood and Malik Anderson. Three men that STOLE the Everette Memorial Titles from the clutches of the Dream Team. Three men…I still can’t believe the Original Showstoppers were WORKED out of their Tag Team Championships!”

H’WOOD: “Oh come on Beanfry, neither of those two graduated pre-school!”

O’CONNOR: “Owners of four tag team title belts, the DEFUNCT NFW World Tag Team Championships. The newly gold-lated EVERETTE MEMORIAL TITLES, but as Brandon Mueller watches them wear those belts in a cast…they will most likely wear them around their waist.”

H’WOOD: “It takes brave men to walk down that ramp to face all six of those freaks in the ring, but you heard Calvin Carlton…the GREATEST manager in New Frontier Wrestling’s history. He made the Original Showstoppers out of cornbread and cabbage for brains, imagine what he can do with my son and Malik!”

(CUTTO: CARLTON stepping through the ropes and immediately getting in BRUCE PHILLIPS’ face, demanding he check EVERY wrestler for weapons as the crowd starts booing!)

O’CONNOR: “Oh, this is ridiculous.”

H’WOOD: “Shutup Beanfry, every man in that ring is highly likely to be carrying a foreign object, or in Felix’s case…SUBSTANCE.”

(CUTTO: MALIK and BLAINE taking their time outside the ring to disrobe, displaying TWO tag team championship belts around their waists…)

H’WOOD: “Look at those babies shine!”

(CLOSEUP: In the ring, CARLTON overseeing PHILLIPS search RED…)

CARLTON: “What you hiding boy? You think I don’t know that you can’t last fifteen minutes without hitting a crackpipe? I know you’d hit that over my client’s head trying to steal something…(CARLTON looks at POWERMASTER snorting heavily, he picks up PHILLIPS by the collar) You better find three needles on this pile of NandolDingo Warrior juice!”

O’CONNOR: “This is completely ridiculous, this match should’ve started already!”

H’WOOD: “Calvin Carlton Trusts is about TRUST, Beanfry. I would not have advised my son to simply settle for a manager that’s about giving these fans their money’s worth. My son gets the money that he HIMSELF is worth and Calvin Carlton made Frankie Fargo enough money to spend millions on cocaine and gap-toothed women…and we’re talking about Frankie Fargo!”

(CUTTO: CARLTON reaching the Suicide King corner, where TSUNAMI is weirdly rubbing the bottom of his chin with his index finger. CARLTON looks at him, squinting …)

CARLTON: “BRUCE…BRUCE, GET YOUR G.E.D. BUTT OVER H—“

O’CONNOR: (over LOUD cheers!) “HAAHAHAHAA! TSUNAMI JUST GREEN MISTED CARLTON!”

H’WOOD: “Goddamit Cal, why’d you have to be so brave!? How can you laugh at that, Beanfry!?”

O’CONNOR: (over screams!) “Tsunami’s in the ring! Cal’s kicking around like a revved up bronco on the mat! (LOUD CHEERS!) Tsunami kicks Calvin! (LOUD SCREAMS!) MALLLIK! MALIK’S IN THE RING!”

H’WOOD: “Screw the match, what about Calvin?!”

(CLOSEUP: CARLTON out of the ring, scrambling around, his face covered in green liquid...he’s screaming “I CAN’T SEE! I CAN’T SEE!”)

O’CONNOR: “Malik just rocked Tsunami with a clubbing forearm to the back of the head…(SFX: Bell ring! Crowd cheers!) And we’re OFFICIALLY started, Malik Anderson starting off against Tsunami with a blindsiding shot, after Tsunami tried to BLIND Calvin Carlton!”

H’WOOD: “TRIED?! What are you a doctor!?”

O’CONNOR: “…well, no…but there’s a match going on Lamont and we’ve got personnel working with Calvin…”

H’WOOD: “They’re not out of a Beverly Hills practice, we’re in Texas! We’ll be lucky if they got their degrees in Mexico!”

O’CONNOR: Malik working over Tsunami with a barrage of right hands, all 4 corners occupied finally as Blaine walks up the steps slowly. I think he’s trying to let Torchowski know he needs a shower. Malik pushing Tsunami against the ropes, he’s gonna have to be careful of those corners…”

(CUTTO: BLAINE away from his corner, getting paramedics tended to Cal!)

H’WOOD: “Anyone and everyone is going to have a shot at making a tag when they WANT to. And trust me, when I’m telling you right now that Bruce Phillips knows he’s going to have to let this one go eventually. Then again, Calvin Carlton could be permanently blinded right now, so who in god knows what can go!?”

O’CONNOR: “Malik with a vicious knee right into the gut of Tsunami, then grabs his arm and sends him packing off with an Irish Whip…(cheers!) Tsunami ducks under a clothesline and bounces off the ropes again, takes off in the air! (Groans!) OH! Malik turns the bodypress in to a quick powerslam and pin! ONE! TWO! NO! (crowd whistles!) Tsunami almost lost this match within a minute, just kicking out in time!”

(CUTTO: CARLTON scrambling to the apron, wiping his face with Betty Boop as BLAINE tries to keep him down. CARLTON frantically screams “THAT WAS A SLOW COUNT!” BLAINE looks on in shock…)

H’WOOD: “Calvin’s feeling the force, Beanfry!”

O’CONNOR: “That was NOT a slow count.”

H’WOOD: “Whatever.”

O’CONNOR: “Malik grabs him and scoops him up (cheers!) Tsunami out the back door, Malik spins around into a chop! ANOTHER CHOP! Malik’s staggered and Tsuanmi pushes him into the corner…Ryan Oracle just tagged Tsunami!”

H’WOOD: “See, Beanfry…this is just gonna be pure chaos!”

(CLOSEUP: TSUNAMI looking confused as PHILLIPS signals a tag, TSUNAMI steps through the ropes and takes his place…in the spot adjacent to POWERMASTER. QUICK CUTTO: CARLTON leaning on the apron, weeping as BLAINE consoles him. “I just wanna see my momma’s beautiful face one more time, Blaine…just one more time…”)

H’WOOD: “Oh my god, Beanfry…I can’t take this!” (headset rustling!)

O’CONNOR: “Lamont! LAMONT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?”

(CUTTO: TSUNAMI and POWERMASTER locked in a staredown, right next to each other. POWERMASTER starts snorting and exhaling with a rumbling loogie load-up.)

O’CONNOR: “…oh dear.”

Back to the TOC

NFW Tag Team Summit: Part 2

(QUICK CUTTO: The crowd buzzing as LAMONT walks around the corner, yelling at paramedics to get a stretcher! QUICK CUTTO: BRUCE PHILLIPS doing a double-take on the TSUNAMI/POWERMASTER situation as ORACLE hammers away on a staggered ANDERSON with right hands…)

O’CONNOR: “Phillips doesn’t look comfortable leaving Tsunami and Powermaster near each other, that’s just an inevitable situation for the worse! But Oracle’s all over Anderson with a series of forearms and now whirly-bird tosses him across the mat! Malik up quickly as Oracle charges in and connects with a running forearm! (BOOS!) And now the Narcissistic half of the PowerGodz stops to pose in the middle of the ring! (CHEERS!) OH! Malik rips his foot out from underneath and takes him down to the mat! Anderson quickly rolls into a side headlock and he’s obviously distracted by the situation outside the ring with Calvin Carlton right now…I don’t know if he’s going to leave ringside…”

(QUICK CUTTO: POWERMASTER and TSUNAMI still on staredown mode! The crowd is starting to see this on some of the SMOKEscreens and are cheering! Still, the ringside situation is distracting everyone as several paramedics, the HOLLYWOODS and some walkie-talkie security men are in the area.)

O’CONNOR: “We’ve got a stretcher coming down to the ringside, which may be for Calvin…meanwhile, Oracle now powering himself up to his feet and Malik trying to maintain the headlock while getting a hint from his teammate…Oracle hammer throws him off, OOF! (crowd pop!) Both men stand each other up in the ring with double shoulderblocks…and I’ll never say this again hopefully…stereo chest flexes.”

(CLOSEUP: LAMONT wiping off CALVIN’s eyes with his ascot as FELIX smirks above them. The HOLLYWOODS lift CARLTON to a standing position as he shouts, “DON’T BRING THAT STRETCHER NEAR ME! SOMEONE CALL MY MOMMA! We need DR. KOOP!”)

O’CONNOR: “Well, he hasn’t lost his vigor…and obviously, God hates me…’cause they are headed right MY way. Malik and Oracle now both running off the ropes…and they collide again with neither men going down! We’ve got an old-fashioned shoulderblock duel going on inside the ring!”

H’WOOD: (V/O) “Get some hot wet towels and a bottle of saline situation! Calvin, I know a great eye doctor… he’s Jewish…”

CARLTON: (V/O) “Lamont, I need you to be my eyes and ears! Blaine…BLAINE!”

O’CONNOR: “Oracle and Malik Anderson circling each other around the ring, and…oh jesus. (BOOS!) Oracle stopping to pose in Malik’s face, before walking in a circle again. Malik’s not happy about that.”

(CLOSEUP: CALVIN reaching out in the air blindly and frantically! BLAINE squeezes through the situation, putting his arm around him and nodding…)

CARLTON: “Remember, we can’t lose what we CARE about.”

HOLLYWOOD: “No way, Cal…I’m breaking that suicidal freak’s BACK.”

(CUTTO: HOLLYWOOD leaping onto the apron, slamming his hand on the apron and pointing at MALIK!)

O’CONNOR: “Well, here goes my night…”

(SFX: Headset rustling!)

CARLTON: “Beanfry, I swear to god, I’m not in the mood to hear your prejudiced call of this match, that’s why I’m listening to Lamont and LAMONT ONLY.”

O’CONNOR: “How surprising…”

(SFX: Headset rustling!)

H’WOOD: “Are you comfortable Calvin, here my ascot’s gonna be softer than their sandpaper towels…”

O’CONNOR: “Well, for once not through their own fault, the Hollywood Wrecking Crew have ONCE AGAIN become a sideblasting distraction to a beginning of their match…but right now its Ryan Oracle and Malik Anderson in the ring, pacing around like gladiators. Both off the ropes (groans!) Well, Malik using his head and kicking Oracle right in the gut! Oracle doubled over and takes a vicious kneelift and Blaine’s clapping!”

H’WOOD: “If you didn’t think these two were inspired tonight, its up to a whole new level tonight! Cal, you gotta look at the fire in Blaine’s eyes!”

CARLTON: “Don’t let him be dumb, Lamont, my momma says he’s got a gorgeous face. PROMISE ME!”

O’CONNOR: “The fans are in a little shock right now…”

CARLTON: “They are? What about me!?”

O’CONNOR: “Malik grabbing Oracle by the hair and forcefully shoving him into a front facelock and hooking him for a suplex – YES! (cheers!) Malik with a rollover pin! ONE! TWO! NO! Oracle powers his shoulder up…”

(CUTTO: TSUNAMI all of a sudden screams and points at POWERMASTER!)

TSUNAMI: “DANGER MAN! DANGER MANNNNNNNNNNNN!”

(POWERMASTER starts beating his chest frantically.)

H’WOOD: “Ok, what the (BLEEP!) did I miss?”

O’CONNOR: Don’t ask. Oracle in trouble as Malik grabs his arm and goes for an Irish Whip, NO! ORACLE REVERSES! Malik hits the corners and Felix tags in! Red slingshots in and Oracle’s coming right at him! (cheers!) OH! Felix just jumped over the lunging Oracle, who hits the turnbuckles! Felix lands on him, slides over and down into a sunset flip pin! ONE! TWO! NO! Oracle rolls out and Felix kips up with him! Side Kick by Felix, but Oracle shakes it off and kicks him right in the gut!”

H’WOOD: “Why is Tsunami next to Powermaster?”

O’CONNOR: “I think he’s confused by the rules, while Malik Anderson is standing next to his tag team partner. DC Stratton seems frustrated in his own corner as Tsunami and Powermaser are doing a call and response shout sequence at each other across the ring from him…Bruce Phillips, Riddick and Rayne have all made attempts to move him, but he’s locked in with Powermaster!”

CARLTON: “I’m not so sure that Eddie Mayfield’s Wellness Plan is being administered to enough random testings per show.”

H’WOOD: “Well said.”

O’CONNOR: “Oracle now bashing Felix’s head in the corner, Red’s stunned the man claiming to be a descendant of Zeus himself now starts burying some shoulders in the corner! Irish Whip…OH! Felix runs right into a vicious right hand by DC Stratton and teeters back out… (groans!) Big clothesline by Oracle! He drops for the cover! ONE! TWO! NO! Felix kicks out! Oracle quickly on the move with Felix and tosses him into the corner and charges in! (cheers!) Felix with a boot up and Oracle’s stunned and stumbling around!”

H’WOOD: “Cal, you’ll be proud to know that Malik and Blaine are pointing at Tsunami, I can promise you they’ve got some bad things in store for him…”

CARLTON: “The man soiled my relationship with Wildstar, he doesn’t shower…and as just proven, he’s a menace to society! Lamont…what if I go blind from this!?”

H’WOOD: “We’ll sue him for every penny. (CARLTON starts bawling!) What!?”

CARLTON: “TSUNAMI’S POOR AS DIRT!”

O’CONNOR: (over cheers!) “Felix with a spinning leg clothesline and he covers for the pin! ONE! TWO! (boos!) DC Stratton in the ring with a stomp to Felix’s head to break up the pinfall, and he’s out just as fast! At least one of the Suicide Kings is listening to Riddick right now.”

(CUTTO: TSUNAMI yelling “DANGERMAN!” every 5 seconds, which causes POWERMASTER to bellow while beating his chest. Then, they return to normalcy. Rinse. Repeat.)

H’WOOD: “You might be better off not seeing some of this Summit, Cal.”

CARLTON: “I’ve got to say my sense of smell is heightened, and you’re right Lamont. I think Kerry does soil himself during telecasts to mess with your head.”

H’WOOD: “I knew it!”

O’CONNOR: “Felix staring down Stratton and shaking his head as he reels in Oracle for a suplex, he goes for it… (crowd buzz!) He couldn’t get him up, Oracle’s back down and now going for his own! (cheers!) Felix slips out the backside and he’s rushing Oracle against the ropes! (BOOS!) Stratton tagged Oracle, just as he balled him up in an ASTRAL PLANE (Oklahoma) ROLL! This can’t be pretty! (LOUD GROANS!) OHHHHH! SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE LEGDROP ACROSS RED’S STERNUM!”

H’WOOD: “If Felix wasn’t puking from all the heroin withdrawal, you better believe he will now!”

O’CONNOR: (over a loud pop!) “Look at Stratton kipping up right off of that! He’s already off and charging towards the ropes – SPRINGBOARD! (LOUD EXPLOSION!) MOONSAULT DDT ON ORACLE JUST AS HE WAS STANDING! Stratton breakdance spins to his feet, Felix is doubled over…OH! (loud groans!) Charging front dropkick to Felix’s head and he crashes into the turnbuckles! We’ve got extra INSURGENT security with some more referees, I think Tsunami’s triggered EL PRESIDENTE to try and keep this SOMEWHAT under control.”

CARLTON: “If I can’t see ever again, Craig Miles and Eddie Mayfield are looking at the NEW Owner of New Frontier Wrestling.”

O’CONNOR: (over applause) “Meanwhile, DC Stratton has Houston, Texas on its feet as Felix Red stands up and here comes Stratton! (LOUD GROANS!) RED FLIES OUT WITH A THRUST KICK TO THE CHEST! Stratton went down like…”

H’WOOD: “…Beanfry’s wife on a sailor?”

CARLTON: “HA!”

O’CONNOR: “Felix trying to shake out the damage of Stratton’s early attack, Stratton staggering up… (crowd pop!) OH! Modified STO takedown by Felix and he covers Stratton for the pin! ONE! TWO! NO!”

(CUTTO: TSUNAMI and POWERMASTER holding their heads, apparently trying to enter the ring at the same time!)

TSUNAMI: (pointing, holding his head) “DANGERMAN! DANGERMAN!”

(POWERMASTER starts mock press slamming something over his head as TSUNAMI won’t stop now.)

O’CONNOR: “Felix grabbing Stratton, hooks him around the side – Bridging Back to Belly Suplex! ONE! TWO! NO! Stratton kicks out and is stumbling up to his feet, and now Felix catches him with a dropkick (cheers!) Stratton falls through the ropes and out of the ring, but somehow landed on his feet! I don’t know if that’s going to help him because Felix has him in the Red reticule so to speak…Stratton staggering around ringside as Rayne’s telling him that she can feel his pain and wants to make out…”

H’WOOD: “That’s HOT.”

CARLTON: “Oh c’mon Lamont, she’s a tawdry piece of white trash.”

H’WOOD: (whispering) “We need to sell it the shlub viewers, Cal.”

CARLTON: “Ohhhhhhh. Right, right – I’d take that Rayne behind the bushes and do things to her…”

O’CONNOR: “Like what?”

CARLTON: “Umm…er…THINGS.”

O’CONNOR: (over screams!) “Felix is taking off the ropes and going for a SUICIDE PL—WHOA! (loud pop!) Stratton tried to roll out of the way, but Felix somehow crooked the top rope with his arms and flipped onto his feet on the apron! Stratton doesn’t even know he’s there and turns around! (LOUD EXPLOSION!) HURRICANRANA BY AN AMAZING FELIX RED! Rayne’s screaming at Felix like he’s a wild banshee and he just shoves her out of the way…Stratton staggering up and Felix cracks him with a right! Another right by Felix! Stratton stumbling around the barricade and Felix has him by the hair…rolls him back in the ring and quickly slides in after him.”

H’WOOD: “I’m not so sure Felix is used to NOT being the lightest wrestler in that ring right now, then again he’s whipping around the lighter Stratton like Beanfry’s mother on two-dollar Jameson shot Wednesdays. Remember those Beanfry, remember how you used to cry?”

CARLTON: “Wait, that’s why you were bawling at production rehearsal?”

O’CONNOR: “Stratton stumbling up and Red nails another right hand, grabs him by the wrist and Irish Wh—NO! Stratton with a reversal into Torchowski’s corner and charges in! (cheers!) Felix dodges out of the way and Stratton hits chestfirst, then catches a dropkick to the back of the head! Stratton hits the turnbuckles and stumbles out into a rollup by Felix! ONE! TWO! (LOUD BOOS!) Blaine Hollywood yanks Felix off, and WATCH OUT! (LOUD BOOS!) He just slapped Tsunami in the face as he was yelling at Powermaster!”

(CLOSEUP: TSUNAMI puffing his cheeks out at BLAINE, who in return, gives him a hand motion of to make sure he’s looking at BLAINE’s eyes, not anyone’s else’s…before walking off.)

O’CONNOR: “Here comes Tsunami, but Bruce Phillips stops him from getting in the ring…Felix distracted by Blaine and Stratton grabs him by the arm and whips him into the corner! OH! Felix gets a boot up on the Stratton’s jaw as he charged in, Felix skips up to the second turnbuckles and catches Stratton with a modified neckbreaker to the mat! Felix has the cover, Phillips is late! ONE! TWO! NO! Red’s immediately up and raising his arm in the air…Stratton staggering up, Felix jumps up with a HURRICAN—NO! (LOUD SCREAMS!) STRATTON PUSHES FELIX OFF! He just hit with a bellyflop and OH! (loud pop!) Stratton with a Koppo Kick as Felix tries to get up and Red gets sent flying into the turnbuckles!”

H’WOOD: (over boos!) “That’s right, you show ‘em Blaine!”

O’CONNOR: “With a smacking of Felix Red’s head, Blaine Hollywood is in this ring and going right after Stratton with a vengeance! Right hand! Right hand! Blaine with an Irish Whip, but missed the clothesline and Stratton’s springboarding off the ropes! (LOUD CHEERS!) TWISTING SIDE KICK TO BLAINE’S HEAD! His emotions are getting the better of him!”

H’WOOD: “Sit down, Cal! SIT DOWN!”

O’CONNOR: “Stratton jumping on Blaine for the cover! ONE! TWO! NO! Blaine powers out and Stratton’s back on his feet, taking off the ropes – LOOK OUT! (LOUD GROANS!) Blaine jumped to his feet and caught him with a kitchen sink knee and Stratton’s in trouble, here comes Blaine off the ropes! (LOUD GROANS!) Vicious Elbow drop to the chestplate, Blaine goes for the cover – ONE! (BOOS!) Oh my, Blaine just pulled Stratton up by the hair and nodding that it’s not time yet…and now he’s pointing at Tsunami as he drags Stratton up.”

H’WOOD: “I’m so torn with emotion, someone needs to be down there to make sure everything goes fairly for the H-W-C, but I can’t leave my good friend alone!”

CARLTON: “I see a bright light, Lamont…”

O’CONNOR: “Get your face off the monitor, Cal!”

CARLTON: “Dammit!”

O’CONNOR: “Blaine bringing up Stratton in a double underhook…and a Suplex! (crowd pop!) And I’ll even admit that was just very impressive as Blaine keeps the double underhook locked in and rolls Stratton up into a Butterfly Lock!”

H’WOOD: “And look at the execution, rolling that into the corner where Malik Anderson is! That is why they’re the tag team champions, you’ve taught them well Cal.”

CARLTON: (holding back tears) “I…I just wish I could see it with my own two eyes, Lamont.”

O’CONNOR: “Blaine now dragging Stratton up to his feet and depositing him in the H-W-C corner…BIG CHOP! (wolf whistles!) ANOTHER CHOP! Blaine grabs Stratton and goes for an Irish Whip, Stratton goes for the reversal, but Blaine holds on and reels him into a back body dr—NO! (loud pop!) Stratton just landed on the freaking apron! (cheers!) Stratton with a right hand to Malik! Right hand to Blaine as he comes in!”

CARLTON: “Sweet mercy, Lamont say it ain’t so!”

O’CONNOR: “Stratton now hops onto the turnbuckles, he’s spinning around and (LOUD GROANS!) OHHHH! MALIK JUST PULLED HIS FOOT OUT! Stratton’s crotched on the top turnbuckles and here comes Blaine, climbing up the